IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Write your opinion of Tesla presentation, which took place on October 10,2024. Do you think it was successful or not? Do you believe robots can replace people in the future?

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On October 10, 2024, Tesla reached its latest innovation
in
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by
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 promoting a new model of driverless car raising questions about the future.
This
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 essay
would
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will
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 argue how victorious can be the fact that human labour might be replaced by the usage of automation. In a fast and growing world, the integration of robots is accelerating making one's life easier. Self-less vehicles are able to drive safely at any time of the day enabling the driver to relax or to complete other tasks
while
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 the car is performing.
For instance
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, statistics have claimed that, when the first model of automatic tesla
has been
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was
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 released in Canada, 50 % of the users were more likely to better cope with the workload to be finished.
However
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, in certain situations as a street accident
that is
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 about to happen, the AI rarely can perform successfully
comparing
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compared
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 to
human's
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a human's
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 IQ. Especially in megapolis, where car crashes may occur more frequently than in smaller cities, it has been estimated,
according to
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 a recent survey conducted by the BBC, that robots are capable
to perform
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of performing
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 successfully during accidents
just
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in just
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 20 % of the cases. In conclusion, despite there may be some benefits in what technology is able to create nowadays, the tasks accomplished by humans are not remotely comparable to those made by artificial intelligence.

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the main arguments you will discuss in the essay. This can help set the context and guide the reader through your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on linking your ideas more seamlessly. Use transition words and phrases to help the reader follow your thoughts and understand how your points relate to each other.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your claims. This will strengthen your arguments and make your points more persuasive.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a relevant topic with clear opinions on the subject matter.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main argument and provides a closing thought on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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