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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children letter in their life. What are the reason? Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, people are dealing with much harder jobs with
lesser
Correct word choice
lower
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 salaries.
That is
Linking Words
 why we, as a society, are trying to build ourselves really well before having children of our own. We are not in the
70s
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'70s
 or the
80s
Correct your spelling
'80s
, where you could find a house for 1 dollar. We are in the new age of
this
Linking Words
 world, the age where life is something luxurious, and surviving it is the new living state. Everything has become expensive, from housing to education, and it is not easy to raise a family without strong financial support. I myself do not want to have
kids
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 anytime soon. I do not even think of marriage. If I might marry someone, I assure you it will not even be in my early 40s. I'm a person who wants to be stable first for his
kids
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. I want them to have the best education, room, lifestyle, house, or even cars.
That is
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 how much I want to give my
kids
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, and unfortunately, I cannot make it earlier. I have to wait until my 40s at least so I can have a much more stable and better income to support my
kids
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. Life is not only about having children; it is about giving them a good future and making sure they do not suffer. In conclusion, parents want to be
at
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in
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 a stable range so they can support their children
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 best way possible. Nowadays, raising
kids
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 is not easy, and people have to think carefully before making
such
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 a big decision.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific reasons and examples relating to why people delay having children. For instance, you mentioned financial support, but elaborating on how this affects career choices or lifestyle could increase the depth of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence, make sure each paragraph clearly connects back to the main question about advantages and disadvantages. You could dedicate a paragraph to explicitly address this aspect of the prompt.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction is engaging but could more explicitly state the main points you will discuss regarding the reasons for delaying parenthood and the advantages and disadvantages. This helps set the reader's expectations.
idea development
Your personal perspective is compelling and adds a unique touch to the essay, making it relatable.
task achievement
You effectively convey the importance of stability and financial security when considering parenthood, which is pertinent to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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