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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people are changing their careers. what are the reasons for changing? and can there be any positive or negative impact by person or by society as whole.

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Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to switch
jobs
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 more commonly than before. Since
,
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apply
show examples
 individuals are seeking personal
fulfillment
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fulfilment
show examples
 rather than
stuck
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being stuck
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 on
societial
Correct your spelling
social
 stigma regarding career choices compared to the past. In my opinion,
this
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 development has more benefits than drawbacks to the society and
people
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.
To begin
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 with, one of the major reasons for the rise in career shifts is the individual's late realization about actual interest
on
Change preposition
in
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 their lives. Even though late,
people
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 eventually find their career path, that actually
fulfills
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fulfils
show examples
 their inner-self.
Due to
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 high social pressure,
people
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often
Add a missing verb
are often
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 forced to opt for
blue-colllar
Correct your spelling
blue-collar
jobs
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. Yet, in the contemporary world, thanks to advanced technologies, it
became
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has become
show examples
 more easy to learn new skills and achieve new
jobs
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,
moreover
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, they can even earn it online.
For instance
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, an individual who like to change their profession from
teaching
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the teaching
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feild
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field
 to
interior
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the interior
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 designing sector, there are multiple universities that
offers
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offer
show examples
 e-learning.
Thus
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, individuals
does
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do
show examples
 not have to fear
while
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 switching their
jobs
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, concerning qualifications or financial strains.
Furthermore
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, if we discuss the influence of
this
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 trend by person and by society, the positive impacts will
favor
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favour
show examples
 it more.
Firstly
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, the impacts in
individual
Correct article usage
the individual
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 aspect are
much
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apply
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benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 as
it
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they
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 can increase awareness about the significance of personal growth and job satisfaction.
This
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 can encourage
individual
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the individual
an individual
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 to
thrive
Verb problem
strive
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 towards their personal
fulfillment
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fulfilment
show examples
, rather than feeling restrained in their life.
Consequently
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, it can help to boost
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overall
Correct article usage
the overall
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 well-being of
people
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 by maintaining both good
physicial
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physical
 and mental health.
For example
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, someone who
compelled
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is compelled
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 to continue in a profession which is not appealing
for
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to
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 them can
burnout
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burn out
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 their physical capacity
as well as
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can
leads
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lead
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 to depression. Another
,
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apply
show examples
 positive impact is innovation on the societal level.
Diverse
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A diverse
The diverse
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 range of experience in the workforce will be favourable and useful to the community. In conclusion, today, more and more
people
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began
Add the particle
began to
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 change their
jobs
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,
while
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 prioritising personal gratification and development, owing to, rapid technological advancements and contemporary
attitude
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attitudes
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.
Therefore
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, the
overall
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 outcome of
this
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 development
seem
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seems
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 to have
positive
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a positive
show examples
 impact on the individuals and the society, as it helps one to reflect on their choices in life.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly supports your main argument, making sure to provide evidence or examples that reinforce your points.
Task Achievement
Be mindful of common grammatical errors and clarity; revising for grammar can improve the overall quality.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement.
Task Achievement
The essay successfully addresses both parts of the task regarding reasons for changing careers and potential impacts on society.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction effectively outlines your opinion and sets the stage for the discussion that follows.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Career mobility
  • Professional development
  • Reskilling and upskilling
  • Job market fluctuation
  • Workforce diversification
  • Vocational satisfaction
  • Economic restructuring
  • Lifelong learning
  • Financial uncertainty
  • Social adaptation
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