Many childhood diseases can now be prevented through the use of vaccines. Should parents be made by law to immunise their children against common diseases or should individuals have the right to choose not to immunise their children? You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

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On
the
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apply
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earth, parents think that, if I
use
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vaccines
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for me and for my children, we will be prevented through
this
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way
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from
diseases
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, and believe
this
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helps them and
it
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apply
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is reliable. Because
the
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apply
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doctors
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give
advices
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advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
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people
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to people
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and show them
right
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the right
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way
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.
While
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others believe,
from
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in
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this
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way
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to
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of using
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use
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vaccines
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. Is not the
way
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wich
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which
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claims and they are
guranted
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guaranteed
granted
from the
diseases
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.
this
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essay will discuss both views and
at the end
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of the essay explain why believe that, we should
use
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vaccines
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.
Firstly
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,
category
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a category
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of
people
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try
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tries
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to
get
Verb problem
gain
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knowledge about
diseases
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and try to find
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way
Correct article usage
a way
show examples
wich
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which
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claims to avoid their family members from
diseases
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. All
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this
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these
show examples
people
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want to ask
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a question
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question
Fix the agreement mistake
questions
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about
this
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, who is already deskilled and know
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way
Add an article
a way
the way
show examples
how to be prevented from like
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this
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apply
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bad things
such
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as
corona virus
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coronavirus
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and others. Professionals are
tring
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trying
to inform
people
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by TV or radio, those
people
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work for
people
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's health and they give us advice to
use
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vaccines
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, only in
this
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case if they heard
this
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is appropriate
vaccines
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.
For example
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during
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the coronda
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coronda
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corona
virus,
overwhelming
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the overwhelming
an overwhelming
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majority of
people
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were scared.
Therefore
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some
people
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who believed
of
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in
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doctors
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,
also
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useed
Correct your spelling
used
vaccines
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.
On the other hand
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,
category
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a category
show examples
of
people
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are against
of
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apply
show examples
the
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apply
show examples
vaccines
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and
they
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apply
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do not want to
use
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them. Because they believe, it has got some effects on the body or on the brain. All those
people
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try to avoid their family and
people
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form
this
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way
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,
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apply
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because they think differently and do not believe in the
doctors
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. As I
mention
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mentioned
show examples
above, during
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the corona
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corona virus
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coronavirus
show examples
,
people
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Use synonyms
use
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used
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and
believe
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believed
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in
doctors
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, but these
people
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did not
use
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and
day
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the day
a day
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after day epidemic did not wane. In conclusion, I believe in professionals and in
this
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case,
what
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apply
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I mentioned above, I strongly agree
them
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with them
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and
under
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with
show examples
their help and advice, I used
vaccines
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.
Futhermore
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Furthermore
, I give
people
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advice to
use
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too,
becauese
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because
the
doctors
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were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
believe us and
also
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they show us how they
used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
for
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it for
show examples
them selves
Correct your spelling
themselves
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
if I believe
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
vaccines
Use synonyms
, I will
Use synonyms
use
Correct pronoun usage
use them
show examples
.

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task achievement
The essay contains some relevant ideas but needs clearer development of arguments. Ensure each paragraph fully explores its point with more supporting explanations.
coherence and cohesion
The organization of ideas can be improved. Use more structured paragraphs with clear topic sentences that indicate what each paragraph will discuss. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence and cohesion
There are several grammatical errors and instances of awkward phrasing that can distract the reader. Revise for clarity and grammatical accuracy to enhance readability and impact.
task achievement
The essay shows an understanding of the topic and presents both sides of the argument, which is important for balanced discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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