IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that government is wasting money on the arts and this money could be better spent elswhere. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays,
artists
Use synonyms
 are becoming more popular for their work because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social media
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
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 and
support
Correct article usage
the support
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 of
government
Correct article usage
the government
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. It is often argued that
ministry
Correct article usage
the ministry
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 is wasting a huge amount of
money
Use synonyms
 on
artists
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, they should use the
money
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 on resolving other major problems in the
country
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. I
am agree
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agree
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to
Change preposition
with
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 the second view
in
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to
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 a greater extent but
i
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I
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 m not denying the benefits of spending currency on the
artists
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. In the upcoming paragraphs, I will discuss the topic in detail. On the one side, Art is a strength for any nation to showcase their
culture
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 and heritage internationally. To explain, In the modern world, There are a lot of
artists
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 that are famous globally and making
an
Change the article
a
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 large impact on the audience. They all are showing their
culture
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 on a bigger stage which helps any
country
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 to be famous and it helps to make good political bonds between different nations.
In addition
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,
by
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apply
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spending
money
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 on the arts
lead
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leads
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 to
the
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an
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 increase in
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the economy
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economy
Replace the word
economic
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 levels of a nation.
For example
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, When
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
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 are performing on grand levels it helps to create an effect on the individuals and they become curious to know more about the
culture
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 which will lead to more tourists coming
in
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to
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 the
country
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. In the end, it results in
growing
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the growing
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 economy of a state or nation.
On the contrary
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 side, There are other major issues in
the
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apply
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society that
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
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 assistance from the ministry like poverty line, medical issues
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
educational problems etc. To exemplify, There are plenty of people under
poverty
Add an article
the poverty
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 line who do not have enough resources for medical treatments and they are dealing with major health problems.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
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 should provide better and cheaper treatments to them
instead
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 of wasting all the
money
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 on
artists
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.
Moreover
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, a survey conducted by
Correct article usage
an indian
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indian
Change the capitalization
Indian
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 health organization in 2022 shows that most
of
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apply
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the
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apply
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people( 8 out of 10) are not able to survive health diseases because they do not have enough resources for
the
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apply
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treatment. Moving forward, the nations that are facing
unemployement
Correct your spelling
unemployment
 should consider financing
self employed
Add a hyphen
self-employed
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business
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businesses
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 to make a difference in
the
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apply
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society rather than pouring bunches of
money
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 into
artists
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.
To conclude
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, there is no doubt that
artists
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 are able to promote the
culture
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 and heritage of a
country
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 on a bigger level,
however
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, focusing on other pivotal issues in the
country
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 is
also
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 equally important for the authorities.

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task achievement
Improve the clarity of your argument by explicitly stating your viewpoint in the introduction and making it more consistent throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure paragraphs have a clear topic sentence and logical flow. Transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother.
task achievement
Elaborate on examples and provide more context or depth to ensure they fully support your points.
structure
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
examples
The incorporation of specific examples, like the survey by the Indian health organization, adds relevance to your points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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