IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people say that the advertisements extremely successful at persuading us to buy things, others think advertisements is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

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It is often argued that
advertisements
Use synonyms
 are successful at
encourgaing
Correct your spelling
encouraging
indivuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 to buy things, whilst others disagree with the notion.
This
Linking Words
 essay will analyse both views in the ensuing paragraphs.
Firstly
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, a vast majority of
advertisements
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 only
exhibits
Correct subject-verb agreement
exhibit
show examples
 the advantages of the
product
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.
As a
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result
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result,
show examples
cutomer
Correct your spelling
customer
customers
 buy the item without actually understanding the negative sides of the
product
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.
Similarly
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, companies use celebrities and youth icons to promote their products through
advertisements
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, thereby creating
a
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apply
show examples
trust and popularity among the fans.
For example
Linking Words
, if a famous actor is portrayed
on
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in
show examples
 a beauty
product
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, his fans will generate an interest in that particular item assuming they can be like the actor. 
For example
Linking Words
,
advertisements
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 of
pepsi
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Pepsi
show examples
 in India using cricket players
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
skyrocketed their revenue
during
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in
show examples
 2003.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
eventhough
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even though
 it does have an effect on individuals buying behaviour, not all products are
succesful
Correct your spelling
successful
 through promotions. Buyers will always analyse
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the
usefullness
Correct your spelling
usefulness
 of that
product
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 in their daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. No matter how successful
a
Change the article
an
show examples
advertisment
Correct your spelling
advertisement
 is
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
a large percentage of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 cannot identify the use of it
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 daily life.  In conclusion, after analysing both the views, in my
opinion
Add the comma(s)
opinion,
show examples
advertisments
Correct your spelling
advertisements
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 have an impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 society.

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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction is clear, but could further clarify the two opposing views more distinctly. Consider rephrasing to improve clarity and engagement.
Task Achievement
In the second body paragraph, elaborate on how not all products benefit from advertising. Providing specific examples can help support your point.
Lexical Resource
Be mindful of spelling errors and grammatical inaccuracies (e.g., 'encourgaing', 'indivuals'). Proofreading can improve your overall impression.
Task Achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your argument, which enhances the quality of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical, with distinct paragraphs for each view and a conclusion that summarizes your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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