IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe
competition
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 at the workplace, at college, and in daily activities is a nice thing. But other
people
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 think that
cooperation
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 is better than
competition
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.
This
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 essay will describe each opinion in more detail on both perspectives.
Competition
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 among
work
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 partners is a good thing because it can boost our ambition to reach our destination.
This
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 condition will give
people
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 more energy to achieve their dreams. And it is called ambitious. Not only for productive
people
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 who
work
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 but for students in school and college
need
Correct pronoun usage
who need
show examples
 to have
this
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 feeling.
For example
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, at school circumference, one of the most clever students in the class can influence their friend to get better results on the examinations as well.
This
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 will increase his friend’s passion to study harder and do their best on future examinations.
On the other hand
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,
cooperation
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 is
also
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 a crucial part of the good result, especially at
work
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.
Furthermore
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,
cooperation
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 is more useful in the
work
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 team when doing some projects. When the community cooperate with each other, it will gain tight support.
Moreover
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, it can stimulate a good ambience at the workplace, so every member feels more convenient to do their job.
For instance
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, when a team have one project to present to their client, with a sense of
cooperation
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, the project will finish earlier. It is because every member of the team will do their part and complete the task easier. In summary, both perspectives have different ways of thinking.
However
Linking Words
, both of them could benefit the society. With
competition
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,
people
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 will be more ambitious and with
cooperation
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, the community will be more supportive of each other. The author’s opinion is that
competition
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 and collaboration are significant aspects that need to be considered at
work
Use synonyms
, school and daily activities to achieve our goals.

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task response
The introduction could be made more engaging by providing a clearer context or definition of competition and cooperation. Also, consider stating which side you lean towards more explicitly to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repeating similar words or phrases in close proximity (e.g., 'work' and 'workplace'). Use synonyms or restructure sentences for variety and to enhance readability.
task response
In the summary, reiterate your opinion more strongly. A more definitive stance will help emphasize the importance of both concepts in achieving success.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to use proper conjunctions and transition words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, making your ideas clearer and more cohesive.
task response
The essay presents both viewpoints clearly and provides examples, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
task response
You included relevant examples to support your points, which helps illustrate your arguments effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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