IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

These day many people leave their country to work abroad and take their family with them. Do you think benefits of this outweigh disadvantages in term of family development.

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A lot of
Use synonyms
employee
Change to a plural noun
employees
show examples
 leave their
home
Use synonyms
country
Use synonyms
 after they
finde
Correct your spelling
find
work
Use synonyms
 in other places outside
Change preposition
of were
show examples
were
Correct your spelling
where
show examples
 they
lived
Wrong verb form
live
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. In my opinion , for
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 life a broad they must
tooke
Correct your spelling
take
 their
familiy
Correct your spelling
family
 with them , as it has multiple advantages in making
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 life easy and
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
home sickness
Correct your spelling
homesickness
show examples
. To start working outside your
country
Use synonyms
 is very
challanging
Correct your spelling
challenging
 in multiple aspects, so having your family with you could help to make life less difficult. Family support is very important in
this
Linking Words
 stage, as mental health could be an issue during
this
Linking Words
 experience,specifically
Use synonyms
home sickness
Correct your spelling
homesickness
show examples
 and depression.
for example
Linking Words
, people
whow
Correct your spelling
who
work
Use synonyms
 for long hours in a new
country
Use synonyms
 with
different
Correct article usage
a different
show examples
 language
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
will be a
victim
Fix the agreement mistake
victims
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to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 burnout and depression, knowing that your
familyis
Correct your spelling
family is
 with you for emotional support will make a huge
different
Replace the word
difference
show examples
.
Family
Add an article
The family
show examples
 will help
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
home
Use synonyms
 tasks ,
for instance
Linking Words
, help in cooking ,
cleaning
Correct word choice
and cleaning
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.
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
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Use synonyms
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 who
work
Use synonyms
a broad
Correct your spelling
abroad
show examples
 will find a balance between
work
Use synonyms
 and
hom
Correct your spelling
home
 tasks. The only
disadvanage
Correct your spelling
disadvantage
 of bringing the family with
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 who have a job abroad
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is financial
difficulities
Correct your spelling
difficulties
. Affording money for one person is different than family, especially if they have kids.
Because
Correct word choice
Employee
show examples
employee
Use synonyms
 needs to make a budget that
have
Verb problem
includes
show examples
 school fees, hospital insurance, car, electricity
bill
Fix the agreement mistake
bills
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.. etc ,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will consume
large
Change the article
a large
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 amount of the
Use synonyms
employee
Change noun form
employee's
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 salary .
Therefore
Linking Words
 , it
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
 the balance
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 living outside
Use synonyms
home
Correct article usage
the home
show examples
country
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, people who will start working outside their
country
Use synonyms
 have to bring their family with them. I believe that having your family
arounds
Correct your spelling
around
 you could reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mental issues , as
will
Correct your spelling
well
show examples
 as
reduse
Correct your spelling
reduce
 the
home
Use synonyms
taskes
Correct your spelling
tasks
 that must be done by one person. The financial issues
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
could
be resolve
Change the verb form
be resolved
show examples
 with good planning and money
managment
Correct your spelling
management
, and that
the
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
 only disadvantage in
this
Linking Words
 case.

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language
Ensure proper spelling and grammar, such as 'employee' (should be 'employees') and 'home sickness' (should be 'homesickness').
content
Develop your ideas further by providing more examples or explanations to support your points. For instance, you mention financial difficulties but could elaborate on how these might be managed in detail.
coherence
Work on making smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs to enhance the overall flow of the essay. Try using linking phrases to connect your points more clearly.
task response
The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear opinion on the topic.
content
Points on mental health support and family contributions were relevant and contributed to the overall argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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