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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the percentage of the total world population in 4 countries in 1950 and 2003 , and projection for 2050 .

The bar chart shows the percentage of the total world population in 4 countries in 1950 and 2003 , and projection for 2050 .
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The provided figures
depicts
Change the verb form
depict
show examples
 how many
peron
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person
 is living in four different countries in three
seperate
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separate
 years . The study is
measered
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measured
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a scale of
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
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 in 1959 , 2003 and the prediction of 2050 in
India
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 ,
Japan
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 ,
USA
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 and
China
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 . It can be seen that
China
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 and
India
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 dominate the highest
percantege
Correct your spelling
percentage
 in the three given years . In
comparision
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comparison
 with ,
USA
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 and
Japan
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 which
rigestered
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registered
 the lowest
avarage
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average
. In the realm of
China
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 and
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India
Change noun form
India's
show examples
 population, in 1959 , the total
number
Use synonyms
 of people in
China
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 was higher than in
India
Use synonyms
 which was around 23%
while
Linking Words
 in
India
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 it was 15% . In the
followed given
Wrong verb form
following
show examples
 year 2002 , the total
number
Use synonyms
 of
China
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 decreased
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 5% to reach 20% .
In contrast
Linking Words
 ,
India
Use synonyms
 showed a slight decrease to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
around 17% . Moving to 2050 , it is
perdicted
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predicted
 that
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number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
indiviuals
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individuals
 in
China
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 will continue
droping
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dropping
 to end
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 15% .
While
Linking Words
 in
India
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 will keep
raising
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rising
show examples
 to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
just below 20% . In the arena of
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 and
Japan
Use synonyms
 , in 1959,
Use synonyms
USA
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the US
show examples
 population was 7% ,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
Japan
Change noun form
Japan's
show examples
 was less than 5%. In 2002 , both
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 and
Japan
Use synonyms
to be
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 5% and less . Going to 2025 , it is expected that the
number
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 of people in
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 will remain stable rather than that in
Japan
Use synonyms
 which will reduce to become
closely
Change the word
close
show examples
 to 1% .

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words india, japan, usa, china, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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