IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is thought by some that people who
age
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are
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 under 18 should be required to engage with full-time schooling. I strongly disagree with
this
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 statement because
while
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 learning in
schools
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 provides academic
skills
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, working in the real world gives more
life
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 experiences.
Hence
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, young ones can acquire more
life
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skills
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 and get higher opportunities to explore themselves.
While
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 academic
skills
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 can be taught in formal education systems, other essential
life
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skills
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 are more important and these can be learned effectively from working outside
schools
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. Many crucial
skills
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 are not incorporated into
schools
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' curricula
such
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 as stakeholder management, time management or even stress management. So, young people will not perform well when they grow up if they lack
of
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apply
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these
skills
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.
However
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, these vital
skills
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 can be acquired through working.
For example
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, students who worked as part-time cashiers before know how to manage stakeholders and
expectation
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expectations
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 better than those who did not.
Moreover
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, working in the real world gives various experiences and children have higher self-awareness.
Due to
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 the fact that many
schools
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 teach their students in the same pattern without personalization, many youngsters do not know their interests and strengths.
On the other hand
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, if they have opportunities to explore jobs, they will know what they are actually good at. They,
as a result
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, can choose better paths for their lives, especially in selecting majors in universities.
For instance
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, young ones who have played in professional music bands since they were students can choose either playing music as hobbies or professional careers. In conclusion,
although
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 full-time schooling is effective for teaching academic
skills
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, essential
life
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skills
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 can be learned more by working in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 real-world environment.
Furthermore
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, Self-awareness is
also
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 enhanced, fostering youngsters to have brighter futures.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure a clear topic sentence for each paragraph to guide the reader and improve the logical flow of your ideas.
task achievement
Expand on certain points with additional examples or explanations to strengthen your argument and demonstrate comprehensive understanding.
coherence and cohesion
Consider varying sentence structure for more engagement and to showcase your language proficiency.
coherence and cohesion
Good structure with a clear introduction and conclusion that frames your argument well.
task achievement
Strong argument emphasizing the importance of life skills gained through real-world experiences.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental cornerstone
  • literacy and numeracy
  • social inequalities
  • foundation of knowledge
  • social mobility
  • informed and engaged citizenry
  • democratic processes
  • youth crime rates
  • productive activities
  • vocational training
  • workforce
  • stifling individual talent
  • economic contribution
  • stress and mental health issues
  • unsuitable educational system
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • diverse talents
  • career paths
  • formal academic education
  • financial strains
  • low-income countries
  • improving quality of education
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