IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Doctors in many countries are saying that people are not getting enough physical exercise. What are the causes of this and how can it be addressed?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A growing number of doctors worldwide are expressing concern that
people
Use synonyms
 are not engaging in sufficient physical
exercise
Use synonyms
, which has become a significant public health issue.
This
Linking Words
 problem can be attributed to several factors, including modern lifestyles and environmental challenges.
However
Linking Words
, there are practical solutions that both individuals and governments can implement to address
this
Linking Words
 concern effectively. One of the primary reasons for insufficient physical activity is the increasingly sedentary
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 that has emerged
due to
Linking Words
 technological advancements. Many
people
Use synonyms
 spend prolonged hours sitting in front of computers at work or engaging with smartphones and television at home, leaving little time for
exercise
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the convenience of cars and public transport has significantly reduced the need for walking or cycling.
Moreover
Linking Words
, urban environments often lack adequate parks, gyms, and safe spaces for physical activities, discouraging
people
Use synonyms
 from being active. Stressful work schedules
further
Linking Words
 exacerbate the issue by making it difficult for individuals to allocate time for
exercise
Use synonyms
. Addressing
this
Linking Words
 problem requires a combination of individual commitment and governmental intervention. On an individual level,
people
Use synonyms
 must make a conscious effort to integrate
exercise
Use synonyms
 into their daily routines,
such
Linking Words
 as opting for stairs
instead
Linking Words
 of elevators or taking short walks during breaks. Governments,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, should invest in public infrastructure that promotes an active
lifestyle
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, building more parks, bicycle lanes, and fitness facilities can make
exercise
Use synonyms
 more accessible.
Additionally
Linking Words
, awareness campaigns highlighting the risks of a sedentary
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 and the benefits of physical activity could motivate
people
Use synonyms
 to adopt healthier habits. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 the lack of physical
exercise
Use synonyms
 is a pressing issue caused by modern lifestyles and environmental constraints, it can be effectively addressed through a combination of personal efforts and government policies. By encouraging an active
lifestyle
Use synonyms
, society can significantly improve public health outcomes.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While your essay presents a clear argument, consider expanding on the examples provided. For instance, include specific statistics or research findings to support your claims about sedentary lifestyles. This would enhance the depth of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a good flow, but you can use more linking words to connect ideas. For example, transition phrases like 'in addition' or 'furthermore' can make the connections between sentences and paragraphs more apparent.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is clear, with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
You effectively identify the causes of insufficient exercise and propose viable solutions, which demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • digital entertainment
  • physical inactivity
  • recreational facilities
  • modern conveniences
  • remote work
  • high stress levels
  • streaming services
  • video games
  • social media
  • physical activity
  • accessibility
  • public awareness campaigns
  • health benefits
  • habit formation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: