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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients , all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much .

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients , all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much .
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The pie charts
compares
Change the verb form
compare
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 the average proportions
kinds
Change preposition
of kinds
show examples
 of
meals
Use synonyms
 which are
breakfast
Use synonyms
 , dinner , lunch , and snacks in three different sorts of nutrients in the USA .
Overall
Linking Words
 , it can seen that people consumed the largest percentage of
sodium
Use synonyms
 , saturated fat , and added sugar in dimer
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
 , in
breakfast
Use synonyms
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
, saturated fat and added sugar have similar
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with , the greatest figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
 of
sodium
Use synonyms
 was in dinner food about 43 % , compared to around 37% in
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
 of saturated fat
farthermore
Correct your spelling
furthermore
, the second highest rank rate was for lunch in both
sodium
Use synonyms
 and saturated fat , with 29% and 26 % , respectively , and
then
Linking Words
 following that the figure of
sodium
Use synonyms
 in both
breakfast
Use synonyms
 and snacks witnessed
similer
Correct your spelling
similar
, with 14 % .
on the other hand
Linking Words
 , regarding the
last
Linking Words
 type of
nutrients
Fix the agreement mistake
nutrient
show examples
, added sugar which is added in different kinds of
meals
Use synonyms
 . Meanwhile , Snacks witnessed the highest proportion out of other
meals
Use synonyms
 at around 42 % after that , dinner meal
accupied
Correct your spelling
occupied
 the
seconed
Correct your spelling
second
seconded
ranke
Correct your spelling
range
 of rate , with 23 % . The
last
Linking Words
 two
sort
Change to a plural noun
sorts
show examples
 of
meals
Use synonyms
 , lunch and
breakfast
Use synonyms
 are
apparximately
Correct your spelling
approximately
 close to each other in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
percentage , 19 % and 16 % .

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words meals, breakfast, sodium with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Nutrients
  • Unhealthy
  • Daily intake
  • Percentage
  • Carbohydrates
  • Fats
  • Proteins
  • Meals
  • Balanced diet
  • Consumption
  • Excess
  • Health implications
  • Obesity
  • Diabetes
  • Heart disease
  • Convenience foods
  • Fast foods
  • Socioeconomic factors
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Healthy eating habits
  • Dietary recommendations
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