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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with prediction for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with prediction for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The graph demonstrates how have
chanded
Correct your spelling
changed
 the percentage of people living in
cities
Use synonyms
 compared to
total
Add an article
the total
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population
Use synonyms
 since 1970 and predicts
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 points in the nearest future.
Overall
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
significant urbanization involves all given
cities
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 the number of city ​​residents will apparently continue increasing, in
Indodesia
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Indonesia
 and
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 it is expected that the urban migration will stabilise by 2040. In detail,
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
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 and Malaysia were the most
urbanizated
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urbanised
 countries in 1970 having around 30% of
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
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 living in
sities
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cities
.
Athough
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Although
 both of them had a noticeable
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
growth up to above 50% in 1990, afterwards, in
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
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 people started to leave
cities
Use synonyms
 and
situation
Correct article usage
the situation
show examples
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
changed only by 2010 when
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
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became
Verb problem
began
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 to grow again.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
 the same
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
 the urbanization of Malaysia has dramatically risen and it is expected that the rise will get slower after 2020. Thailand had
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
industrial growth until 1990 and
then
Linking Words
 the percentage of city ​​residents became stable
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the 30% mark. It is predicted that
urban
Correct article usage
the urban
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 will increase after 2020.
Finally
Linking Words
, Indonesia was the least urbanized country having only around 13% of
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 living in
cities
Use synonyms
 in 1970. But by 2020 Indonesia has
became
Change the verb form
become
show examples
 the second most urbanized country.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words cities, population with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • percentage
  • population
  • predictions
  • significant increase
  • dramatic rise
  • urban population
  • industrial growth
  • economic development
  • steady growth
  • urban migration
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