Today, many people spend less and less time at home. What are the reasons for this? What are the effects of this on individuals and on society? Explain your viewpoint with reasons and include appropriate examples based on your knowledge or experiences.

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There is a school of thought that suggests modern
individuals
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are spending increasingly less
time
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at
home
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.
This
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essay will examine the primary causes of
this
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trend and explore its implications for both
individuals
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and society. One of the most significant reasons behind
this
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phenomenon is the rising cost of living. Over the past few decades, essential expenses
such
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as housing, healthcare, and education have surged, compelling many
individuals
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to take on multiple jobs or extend their working
hours
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in pursuit of financial security.
Furthermore
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, the highly competitive nature of today’s job market places immense pressure on employees to meet demanding expectations, often requiring them to work overtime or attend professional engagements outside of regular office
hours
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.
As a result
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, many people prioritize their careers over personal
time
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, inadvertently reducing the
hours
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spent at
home
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.
This
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shift has profound consequences, particularly on mental health. Excessive working
hours
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,
coupled with
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insufficient rest, contribute to heightened stress levels and an increased risk of burnout and depression. Over
time
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,
this
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can deteriorate an individual's
overall
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well-being, leading to reduced productivity and job dissatisfaction.
Additionally
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, the erosion of quality
time
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at
home
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weakens personal relationships. Many
individuals
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struggle to maintain close connections with family and friends, which may foster feelings of isolation and emotional detachment. From a societal perspective,
this
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decline in social interaction can weaken community bonds, ultimately contributing to a more fragmented and less cohesive society. In conclusion, the growing tendency to spend less
time
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at
home
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is largely driven by financial pressures and professional obligations.
However
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,
this
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trend has far-reaching consequences, particularly in terms of mental well-being and interpersonal relationships. Addressing
this
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issue requires a balanced approach that promotes work-life harmony, ensuring that
individuals
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can maintain both financial stability and personal
fulfillment
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fulfilment
show examples
.

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Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear and relevant response to the task, addressing the reasons and effects of spending less time at home. However, consider enhancing the depth and detail of the examples to further illustrate your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
While the logical structure is strong, consider using more varied linking phrases to enhance the flow between ideas. This can help improve the overall coherence of your argument.
Task Achievement
Your development of main points is good, but ensuring each point is substantiated with a specific example could further strengthen your argument and engagement with the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction clearly outlines the focus of the essay and sets up the discussion effectively, which is a strong aspect of your writing.
Task Achievement
The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points discussed and reinforces the importance of work-life balance, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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