There are many advertisement directed at children. Parents argue that children are mislead, while advertisers consider advertising a source of useful information. What is your opinion?

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In
this
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technological world, advertisements are shown on different platforms to attract more customers. Most of the
ads
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are directed at
children
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. Parents object that these
ads
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are not good for their juveniles;
however
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, commercial advertisers depict them as an informational source for the
children
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. In my opinion, parents have the right to decide what is good or bad for their child, but it is
also
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not doubtful that some TV
ads
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also
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help them gain more knowledge, which I will discuss
further
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. On the one hand, In
this
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Internet era, adults spend a vast amount of time on social media which sometimes leads them in the wrong direction. To exemplify, there are a lot of
ads
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shown on TV related to cool lips, cigarettes, alcohol, etc. which are not good for individuals. A survey conducted by the Indian Youth Organization in 2001 depicts that 8 out of 10 pupils start taking drugs
due to
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the effect of certain advertisements at a very young age because in
ads
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it is shown as a cool thing to do and it leads to an addiction of a lifetime.
Therefore
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, it is a natural concern of parents that
ads
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misguide their
children
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in various ways.
In contrast
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, It is not doubtable that some of the brochures, and
ads
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related to scientific innovations play major roles in gaining more attention from adults. To explain,
Children
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generate interest in the things that they are seeing or listening to daily. When they see
ads
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related to scientific evolutions
then
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they start to think about it which automatically creates an influence on their minds.
This
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leads kids to dig deeper into the technological world and they can make a big difference in society.
Hence
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, it is important to show useful content in
ads
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to bring juveniles's attention. In my opinion, There is no doubt that
ads
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play a pivotal role in a child's life
while
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it is equally paramount to focus on the areas of interest.
Ads
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should be more knowledgeable rather than showing unnecessary things that can lead to vanishing their minds.

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task achievement
Consider expanding your introduction to provide a clearer overview of your essay's structure and the key points you will discuss. This will help set the reader's expectations.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs have a clear topic sentence that relates directly to the main argument. This will help improve the overall logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or data to support your arguments. While you mention a survey, elaborating on it could strengthen your points.
coherence and cohesion
Use more transitional phrases to link ideas between sentences and paragraphs. This can enhance the cohesion of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view of the topic, acknowledging both sides of the argument, which is a commendable approach.
task achievement
The vocabulary used in your essay is generally good and shows a range of language, which helps convey your ideas effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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