IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that mothers should spend most of their time raising their family, and therefore the government should support them financially. Do you agree or disagree?

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Some believe that mothers should dedicate the majority of their time to raising their children, and
therefore
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, the government should provide them with financial support.I disagree with
this
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 statement.I think that everyone
have
Change the verb form
has
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their
Change the word
the
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 right
of
Change preposition
to
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choice
Replace the word
choose
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. In my point of view,
both
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
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parents
Use synonyms
 should take part in
kids
Change noun form
kids'
kid's
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 upbringing and spend the same amount of time.
Childrens
Correct your spelling
Children
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 may have a lot of barriers in life and
both
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 should support and teach them.
For example
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,
boy
Correct article usage
a boy
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fall
Change the verb form
falls
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 in love with a girl and
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 know how to win a place in her heart,
whose
Correct your spelling
who's
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 going to help him?Mother?She never
expirienced
Correct your spelling
experienced
 that and she
cant
Correct your spelling
can't
show examples
 give him handy advice. Father will help him and teach
how
Correct pronoun usage
him how
show examples
 to speak with
a girls
Correct the article-noun agreement
girls
a girl
show examples
,he
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
expirienced
Correct your spelling
experienced
 a lot of life problems. I
reacon
Correct your spelling
recommend
 that,everyone
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a choice
for
Change preposition
in
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 their
lifestyles
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyle
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no
Rephrase
apply
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matter women or
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
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.If
woman
Add an article
a woman
the woman
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 decides to sit
in
Change preposition
at
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 home with kids
its ok
Correct your spelling
it's okay
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,but if
man
Correct article usage
a man
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forcing
Wrong verb form
forces
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 his wife to do that
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
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 not right.For
instane
Correct your spelling
instance
,in my country
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
mens requiret
Correct your spelling
men require
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
wifes
Correct your spelling
wives
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 to stay at home with
Correct pronoun usage
their childrens
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childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
,i
find
Wrong verb form
found
show examples
 out
this
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 is a huge problem.
This
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 limits women's freedom and opportunities, preventing them from pursuing their careers and personal ambitions. In conclusion,
both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 should share the responsibility of raising their children equally. Forcing women to stay at home takes away their freedom and limits their opportunities. Everyone should have the right to choose their lifestyle without pressure from society or family. A balanced approach to parenting benefits
both
Use synonyms
 children and
parents
Use synonyms
, creating a healthier and more supportive family environment.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph includes a clear topic sentence that reflects the main idea of that section.
task achievement
Expand on your points with more specific examples that are relevant and clearly explained to strengthen your argument.
language use
Pay attention to grammar and vocabulary, ensuring proper usage, spelling, and punctuation.
task achievement
The essay articulates a clear position on the topic and addresses both sides of the argument.
task achievement
You present relevant ideas that reflect personal viewpoints and observations, which adds to the authenticity of your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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