Some people say that the advertisements extremely successful at persuading us to buy things, others think advertisements is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

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There is no denying the fact that in nowadays modern era, living with a variety of adverts.
While
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it is a commonly held belief that
such
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commercials
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have a main role in ever-growing consumerism, there is
also
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an argument that some individuals think that it is so common and people do not notice them.
This
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essay will analyse
this
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topic from both points of view and express my opinion. ‏On the one hand, nowadays people spend most of their time in the digital world,
such
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as television or the internet, so they may get attracted to certain eye-catching advertisements.
In other words
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, most companies, for a high profit, would make their commodity promotions seductive and powerful.
In addition
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to improving the credibility of those advertisements, they may
also
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include some real user reviews, thereby getting customer’s trust.
For example
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, a survey conducted in the UK shows that 90% of customers are tempted to purchase, when they see real user reviews. ‏
On the other hand
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, some individuals would not pay attention to those advertisements. It is
also
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possible to say that the only trust in
commercials
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they have is personal experience.
Moreover
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, if something happens beyond their expectations, some would neglect
such
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those
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
commercials
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.
For instance
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, in 2020, a case filed in the Riyadh court questioning the quality of a well-known eyelash oil alleged that the constant use of that oil made him blind in one eye. ‏In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that
commercials
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play a crucial role in persuading us to purchase products.

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Task Achievement
Try to make your thesis statement clearer in the introduction. Consider explicitly stating your opinion on the matter.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas together. For example, instead of 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand', you might use other phrases to create variety and flow between your ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that outlines its main idea. This will help improve the logical structure.
Task Achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument well, showing an understanding of different viewpoints.
Task Achievement
Your use of examples, such as the survey and the court case, enhances your essay and adds credibility to your points.
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