IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. You want to join a new gym in your neighbourhood. Write a letter to the gym manager. In your letter ask what types of membership are available, and what the prices are ask what activities are available ask what the joining procedure is You should write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear Sir or Madam,

#minutes #gym #neighbourhood #manager #membership #prices #activities #procedure #addresses #sir #madam
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Dear Sir or
Capitalize word
Madam
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madam
Capitalize word
Madam
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, I am writing to let you know that I want to join your gym because
in
Add the comma(s)
, in
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 the
last
 few months, I gained a lot of weight. So, I want to
loose
Replace the word
lose
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 some weight by joining your gym. I came to know about
this
 place
by
Change preposition
from
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 a friend who just started going there. I want to know which
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
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 of memberships are available and at what prices. My budget is around 300-400 CAD per annum. Could you please tell me what kind of activities are available there?
In addition
, please
also
 mention the schedule of all the activities. I am
also
 in need of a personal trainer who can teach me all the exercises and
also
 guide me through my diet. Could you please guide me about the joining procedure? Should I come in person or apply online?
Furthermore
, what kind of documents
I
Add a missing verb
do I
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need to submit with the application
.
Change the punctuation
?
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 Looking forward to hearing from you soon. Yours faithfully, Vishal Jangrala
Submitted by vishaljangrala94 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider organizing the letter into clear sections: introduction, questions about membership and prices, inquiries about activities, and joining procedure.
coherence cohesion
Check spelling and punctuation for small errors, such as capitalizing 'Madam' in the greeting.
task achievement
The letter covers all necessary points, including membership types, prices, activities, and joining procedure.
task achievement
The tone is friendly and appropriate for the context of a formal inquiry.
coherence cohesion
The letter begins with a clear introduction and ends with a polite closing.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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