IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries children have very strict rules of behaviour, while in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they want. To what extent should children have to follow rules? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In some countries, kids are made to follow a set of strict
rules
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.
whereas
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 in other countries, they are allowed to do whatever they want. In my opinion,
children
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 should follow a set of
rules
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.
However
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, these
rules
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 should not make them emotionally broken. In some regions,
children
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 are free to choose how to spend their time, and
due to
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this
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this,
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 their academics might be affected.
Furthermore
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, there
are
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is
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 high chance that these
children
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 might be addicted to modern technology, and spend most of their time playing mobile games and browsing the internet.
For example
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, In some developed countries, parents often do not look after their
children
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, which may lead them to get addicted to some kind of drugs and smoking.
Therefore
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, It is not completely advised to allow
children
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 to do whatever they want, and there should be some
rules
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 imposed on them.
On the other hand
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, In a few places, there are very strict
rules
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 for younger generations, which might impact them emotionally and decrease their confidence levels.
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This kind
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These kinds
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 of
rules
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 are often seen in some kinds of religions, and infants are made to follow them from their childhood. It is better to make
rules
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 in a way that the
children
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 will understand how to behave in present society to achieve success.
For Instance
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, In my country, the
rules
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 are made in
such
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 a way that the
children
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 will understand how to behave in the present society, and
also
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 how to use them to achieve success in their lives.
To conclude
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,
Rules
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 should be imposed on
children
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. But
according to
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 me, these
rules
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 should help the
children
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 to grow both physically and emotionally strong, rather than making them feel that they are tied up from doing what they want.

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task achievement
Focus on developing a more nuanced argument by exploring the complexities of the topic. While the essay presents a clear stance, it would benefit from a deeper examination of the reasons behind the need for rules and the potential consequences of having too strict or too lenient rules.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of your essay by making clearer connections between ideas. Use a variety of transitional phrases to guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
task achievement
Support your main points with a wider range of examples and evidence. While personal and general examples are used, incorporating statistics, expert opinions, or historical examples could enrich your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • upbringing
  • discipline
  • autonomy
  • safety
  • responsibility
  • creativity
  • critical thinking
  • independence
  • boundaries
  • rebellion
  • holistic development
  • structure
  • nurturing environment
  • behavioral expectations
  • social norms
  • authority
  • decision-making skills
  • consequences
  • respect
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