IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, many more people are choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Nowadays, a significant number of
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to live alone. The interest of rising independence and personal freedom might be the driving forces for
this
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 development.
However
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, I would argue that
this
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 shift in
people
Use synonyms
's mindset can have negative impacts on our society.
This
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 essay will explore the downside of
this
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 development with a clear explanation.
To begin
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 with, one of the major drawbacks of living detached from others is the
challenges
Fix the agreement mistake
challenge
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 of loneliness. Even though
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 individuals living by themselves can help to improve self-reliance, the isolation  can bring  significant damage to their mental health.
According to
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 many studies, a person who lives alone has to go through many hardships by themselves, without any emotional support.
Whereas
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, an individual who lives with their parents, partner or friends will have an environment to share their troubles and feel less stressed.
Therefore
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, by lack of social connections
people
Use synonyms
's mental well-being can be negatively affected, resulting in burnout and depression. To add to the downsides, the surge of living in solitude trend
also
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 indicates the shift in social norms. A majority of
people
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 follow
this
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 trend to avoid complex relationships.
For instance
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, the young generation's declined interest in community and
relationships
Fix the agreement mistake
relationship
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 values are today's popular discussion around the world. Especially, the Gen-Z
prefer
Rephrase
especially prefer
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 to have fewer
people
Use synonyms
 interactions and bonds. To elaborate on
this
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, the term ''situationship'' recently became popular among
this
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 generation. It means, having a relationship between two
people
Use synonyms
 without any commitment or dedication. All these are adverse effects of individuals being paranoid about emotional connections, because of
this
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 many choose to live alone. In conclusion,
while
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 there are many positive aspects to living by yourself,
such
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 as personal development and lower financial costs,
however
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, the disadvantages of
this
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 trend cannot be overshadowed. The decline in social and personal relationships and the rise of mental health issues are some of the few damages stemming
in
Change preposition
from
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 the new
generation
Change noun form
generation's
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 lives
due to
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 the increased solitary lifestyle.
Thus
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, it is high time to direct sensible and genuine interest towards
this
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 growing issue, in order to mitigate the harmful effects for a sustainable future.

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task achievement
Consider explicitly stating your main argument in the introduction to make it clearer from the outset.
task achievement
In your conclusion, rephrase your main points briefly to reinforce the argument you've made throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the transitions between your points are smoother to enhance the flow of the essay.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or data to bolster your arguments, especially in the main body paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion on the topic and maintains a critical perspective throughout, which is commendable.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is clear with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • personal freedom
  • autonomy
  • self-reliance
  • personal development
  • sense of belonging
  • loneliness
  • isolation
  • mental health
  • financial stress
  • cultural shifts
  • social norms
  • fulfillment
  • community values
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