IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent times, advertising
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 a powerful tool used by many companies to attract consumer attention. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that it works well and makes
people
Use synonyms
 buy things,
while
Linking Words
 others believe there are too many
ads
Use synonyms
, so they no longer have an effect.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both opinions and why I think advertising has many benefits. On one hand, advertising helps
people
Use synonyms
 decide what to buy. A number of companies spend a lot of money on marketing, like using famous
people
Use synonyms
 and online
ads
Use synonyms
, to attract customers.
such
Linking Words
 as big brands like Apple and Nike, create interesting and convincing
ads
Use synonyms
 that make
people
Use synonyms
 trust their products.
Also
Linking Words
,
ads
Use synonyms
 show new products or special features, making them more attractive to buyers. Because of
this
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 choose what to buy based on the
ads
Use synonyms
 they see.
For instance
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 one survey, around 60% of
people
Use synonyms
 in the world purchase items after watching
ads
Use synonyms
 on TV.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 think there are too many
ads
Use synonyms
, so they no longer pay attention to them. With online marketing,
people
Use synonyms
 see
ads
Use synonyms
 everywhere, like on social media, websites, and TV.
In addition
Linking Words
, showing too many
ads
Use synonyms
 can make
people
Use synonyms
 too bored, so they start ignoring or avoiding them. Many
also
Linking Words
 use ad-blocking tools to stop online
ads
Use synonyms
 completely, which
further
Linking Words
 reduces the effectiveness of digital marketing strategies.
As a result
Linking Words
, advertisers are continually seeking innovative ways to engage consumers without overwhelming them,
such
Linking Words
 as through targeted content and personalized experiences.
This
Linking Words
 shows that, even though companies try hard, many
people
Use synonyms
 are no longer affected by traditional
ads
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, both sides have good points, but I believe advertising is more powerful.
This
Linking Words
 is because it keeps changing and uses creative ways to grab our attention and make us want to buy things.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay presents both views effectively, but can enhance the arguments by providing more specific examples or evidence, especially in the second half. This would strengthen the overall argument and provide more support for your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using more varied linking words and phrases to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs. This would enhance coherence and make your argument even clearer.
task achievement
Incorporate a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines your stance more decisively. This would guide the reader better regarding your opinion from the start.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and recognizes both sides of the argument well, demonstrating a balanced approach to the discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Good variety of sentence structures and vocabulary, which contributes positively to your writing style.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
What to do next:
Look at other essays: