IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The Government should reduce the amount of money spent on local environment problems and instead increase funding into urgent and more threatening issues such as global warming. To what extent do you agree?

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Some say the governments are responsible for taking action against environmental issues in their own country,
however
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, there are more crucial
problems
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, like climate change, that we should focus on. Personally,
government
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the government
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 can call people to action to prevent local environmental
problems
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 so global warming and other major
problems
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 should be considered more than the previous one. First of all, not only the government but
also
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 the citizens themselves have to take care of the environment that they are living in.
Therefore
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 multinational big corporations bring value to our society
behalf
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on behalf
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 of the authorities.
For example
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, mines and the metal industry do bring some
problems
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 but they pay double to make it better.
That is
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 why, I think we should work together to protect our own.
On the other hand
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, the world is no one's, meantime
its
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it's
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 all of ours. Mongolians, we have a phrase that everyone's possession is no one's. Like
this
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, we don't care about the mutual thing that we share.
For example
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, public spaces and communal areas would be dirty if executives didn't invest in people to clean them. Our earth is in the same state as public spaces because we don't clean and maintain it. In conclusion, people of the countries can maintain their environment but governments should collaborate to prevent upcoming damage to the earth. So we should share our responsibilities to multiply the outcome.

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task achievement
Consider providing a clearer stance in your introduction to guide the reader on your perspective right from the beginning.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that links back to your thesis statement. This will strengthen the overall structure of your essay.
task achievement
Include more relevant examples or evidence to support your arguments. This will help to clarify your points and make them more persuasive.
task achievement
You demonstrate a good understanding of the collaborative role between government and citizens in addressing environmental issues.
coherence and cohesion
Your use of cultural references adds depth to your argument and engages the reader.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Environmental prioritization
  • Climate change
  • Sustainable development
  • Green technology
  • Economic benefits
  • Global cooperation
  • Renewable resources
  • Carbon footprint
  • Ecosystem preservation
  • Policy implementation
  • Preventative measures
  • Ecological balance
  • Greenhouse gases
  • Adaptation strategies
  • Fiscal allocation
  • Biodiversity conservation
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