Some people think spending a lot on birthdays and marriage celebrations is a waste of money but others think it is important to the young people and the society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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These days,
community
Correct article usage
the community

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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spend a lot of money on special occasions,
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as
bornday
Correct your spelling
boundary
born day

If you don’t want bornday to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

and engagement or marriage celebrations. Some of them consider
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

a waste, but another group of
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

especially young
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

think that the celebrations are worth
to held
Wrong verb form
holding

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb to held. Consider changing it.

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. On one side, the waste of money on special events can decrease the budget for other important
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending

It seems that spendings may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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,
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as education, health, and
life
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

accommodation.
An
Change the article
A

The article An may be incorrect. Consider changing it to agree with the beginning sound of the following word huge.

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huge birthday or marriage
celebration
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

surely
left
Wrong verb form
leaves

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb left. Consider changing it.

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the
Correct article usage
a

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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memorable impression
for
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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attendants
Correct article usage
the attendants

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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, but after the event, the one who had the event will realize that there are more important things that
needed
Wrong verb form
need

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb needed. Consider changing it.

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money. Health budget is really important to consider first before we want to hold a big
celebration
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

on
special
Change the article
a special

It appears that the article usage in the phrase special day is incorrect. Consider making a change.

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day, because
it
Correct pronoun usage
there

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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is no need to have
glamorous
Add an article
a glamorous

The noun phrase glamorous event seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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event if you are sick or have
critical
Add an article
a critical

The noun phrase critical health issue seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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health issue.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the impressive
celebration
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

on
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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special events
are
Change the verb form
is

The plural verb are does not appear to agree with the singular subject celebration. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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important for several
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

especially
young
Correct article usage
the young

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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generations, because it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb is appears to be unnecessary here.

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only
happen
Correct subject-verb agreement
happens

It seems that the verb happen does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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once a year or once in a lifetime.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

birthday party only happens once a year, it is the moment when
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

highlight their
life
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

achievements, reflect
their
Change preposition
on their

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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past, and hope for the future. Specifically, the 17th birthday party is included
important
Change preposition
as important

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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or as a
check point
Correct your spelling
checkpoint

The word check point seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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of the transition from the child era to teenager. Marriage
celebration
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

means the same, it only happens once and is included
the
Change preposition
as the

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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biggest milestone of someone's
life
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

journey.
As
Change preposition
In

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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summary
Add an article
a summary

The noun phrase summary seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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, I will say that the
celebration
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

for special occasions
are
Change the verb form
is

The plural verb are does not appear to agree with the singular subject celebration. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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worth to
held
Change the form of the verb
hold

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb held. Consider changing it.

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, but it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb is appears to be unnecessary here.

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also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has

It seems that the verb have does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
to consider the budget allocation for other crucial things in
life
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to use clearer topic sentences to guide the reader through your arguments, ensuring each paragraph has a distinct focus.
task achievement
Make sure to proofread for spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'bornday' should be 'birthday,' and 'an huge' should be 'a huge.'
task achievement
Expand on your points with additional details or examples. For instance, you can elaborate on the impact of spending on health and education, or provide more specific cultural contexts for celebrations.
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument effectively, which showcases your understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear opinion, indicating your stance on the issue, which is important for task completion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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