IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think spending a lot on birthdays and marriage celebrations is a waste of money but others think it is important to the young people and the society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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These days,
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 spend a lot of money on special occasions,
such
Linking Words
 as
bornday
Correct your spelling
boundary
born day
 and engagement or marriage celebrations. Some of them consider
this
Linking Words
 as
such
Linking Words
 a waste, but another group of
people
Use synonyms
 especially young
people
Use synonyms
 think that the celebrations are worth
to held
Wrong verb form
holding
show examples
. On one side, the waste of money on special events can decrease the budget for other important
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as education, health, and
life
Use synonyms
 accommodation.
An
Change the article
A
show examples
 huge birthday or marriage
celebration
Use synonyms
 surely
left
Wrong verb form
leaves
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 memorable impression
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
attendants
Correct article usage
the attendants
show examples
, but after the event, the one who had the event will realize that there are more important things that
needed
Wrong verb form
need
show examples
 money. Health budget is really important to consider first before we want to hold a big
celebration
Use synonyms
 on
special
Change the article
a special
show examples
 day, because
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 is no need to have
glamorous
Add an article
a glamorous
show examples
 event if you are sick or have
critical
Add an article
a critical
show examples
 health issue.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the impressive
celebration
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
special events
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 important for several
people
Use synonyms
 especially
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generations, because it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
only
happen
Correct subject-verb agreement
happens
show examples
 once a year or once in a lifetime.
For instance
Linking Words
 birthday party only happens once a year, it is the moment when
people
Use synonyms
 highlight their
life
Use synonyms
 achievements, reflect
their
Change preposition
on their
show examples
 past, and hope for the future. Specifically, the 17th birthday party is included
important
Change preposition
as important
show examples
 or as a
check point
Correct your spelling
checkpoint
show examples
 of the transition from the child era to teenager. Marriage
celebration
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 means the same, it only happens once and is included
the
Change preposition
as the
show examples
 biggest milestone of someone's
life
Use synonyms
 journey.
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
summary
Add an article
a summary
show examples
, I will say that the
celebration
Use synonyms
 for special occasions
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 worth to
held
Change the form of the verb
hold
show examples
, but it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to consider the budget allocation for other crucial things in
life
Use synonyms
.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to use clearer topic sentences to guide the reader through your arguments, ensuring each paragraph has a distinct focus.
task achievement
Make sure to proofread for spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'bornday' should be 'birthday,' and 'an huge' should be 'a huge.'
task achievement
Expand on your points with additional details or examples. For instance, you can elaborate on the impact of spending on health and education, or provide more specific cultural contexts for celebrations.
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument effectively, which showcases your understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear opinion, indicating your stance on the issue, which is important for task completion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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