IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

In the modern world, it is no longer becessary to use animals and animal products for food, clothing and medicine. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion based on your knowledge and experience.

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In today's world where fashion is evolving at a high
pace
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pace,
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 people want something new each and every day. Some people argue that it is not mandatory to use
animals
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 and/or their products.I completely agree with
this
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 statement and will provide the reason behind it in the following essay
Firstly
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, with modern
technology
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technology,
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 we have various options available. Rather than using
Use synonyms
animals
Add a comma
animals,
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 we can opt for AI and their services.
For example
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, in many
countries
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countries,
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 robots can produce
high quality
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high-quality
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 materials.
Secondly
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, in my
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option,
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option
Correct your spelling
opinion
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this
Linking Words
 is cruelty against the animal as they
are have
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have
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 to go through a painful process. The news and articles highlight how animal testing should be banned and how it affects the physical and mental health of that
creature.No
Correct your spelling
creature
 one likes to
being
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be
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 tortured and
traumatize
Wrong verb form
traumatised
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 just for their entertainment if human wants full freedom
than
Correct your spelling
then
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animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
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 should be free as well.
In addition
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 to
this
Linking Words
, the pharmaceutical industry has done numerous to them. Each year who knows how many
animals
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got
Wrong verb form
get
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 killed for their fur,trunk and other organs that
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 been serving humanity for many years
.
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?
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As a result
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 of
this
Linking Words
, some countries prohibit hunting to protect endangered creatures and species
To conclude
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, with the help of technology we can use the alternative and it is not at all mandatory to use
animals
Use synonyms
 for our benefit. I completely agree with the above statement

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coherence and cohesion
Clearly separate your ideas into distinct paragraphs to enhance clarity for the reader. Each paragraph should ideally focus on one main idea.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to illustrate your points, especially in relation to technological alternatives to animal products.
task achievement
Clarify your arguments. For instance, when discussing alternatives, consider providing examples of specific products or technologies, rather than general statements.
task achievement
You have a strong position and provide a clear opinion throughout the essay, which is essential in IELTS writing.
task achievement
The topic is relevant and thought-provoking, reflecting an awareness of current issues regarding animal rights and alternative materials.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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