Some people think that good health is very important to every person, so medical services should not be run by profit-making companies. Do the advantages of private healthcare outweigh the disadvantages?

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It is becoming increasingly common for individuals to pay attention towards their health .
Therefore
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, some folks are in
the
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apply
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favor of free medical services or should be run by the Government . I am fully convinced that hospitals should not be functioned by private companies. In my
further
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paragraphs, I will discuss both merits and demerits of
this
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notion .
Firstly
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, patients can obtain fast attentive treatment in
profit oriented
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profit-oriented
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organizations because these companies have more money to buy vast
equipments
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equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
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.
Moreover
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,
money minded
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money-minded
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hospitals would hire
high
Replace the word
highly
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professional doctors from foreign
contries
Correct your spelling
countries
to attract
the
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apply
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patients and have more knowledge about diseases.
For example
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, in private
hospitals
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hospitals,
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all facilities are in one building ,
laboratories
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including laboratories
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, ultrasound and X-rays . Undoubtedly, Profit making places have some advantages but it
also
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have
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has
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some disadvantages which we cannot
denied
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deny
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.
However
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, they have all types
treatment
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of treatment
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but patients have to pay
huge
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a huge
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amount for that . Only some rich
sector
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sectors
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are able to afford it .
Additionally
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, these organizations only pay attention to
the
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apply
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customers who
belong
Verb problem
come
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from wealthy
family
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families
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.
Thirdly
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, some people claim that they unnecessarily
prescribed
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prescribe
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tests and medicines for money which is totally unethical.
To conclude
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, nobody
deny
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denies
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that private companies
delivered
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deliver
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many benefits to
the
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apply
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society but their drawbacks
overweigh
Verb problem
outweigh
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it's positive sides.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction, as it enhances clarity and sets the reader's expectations.
coherence and cohesion
Work on linking your ideas more naturally and using transitional phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
content
You provided a clear opinion throughout the essay and included personal insights, which is commendable in an argumentative piece.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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