IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many things used to be done in the home by hands are now being done by machines .do this bring more advantages or disadvantages ?

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In past, from food
production
Use synonyms
 to clothing everything
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
used to be manufactured
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
home
Add an article
the home
a home
show examples
 but now most of the goods are assembled and packed by automatic
machineries
Change the wording
machinery
types of machinery
pieces of machinery
show examples
. In my opinion, it has numerous advantages
than
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 disadvantages. Recent advancements in technology made
production
Use synonyms
 of raw materials
cost effective
Add a hyphen
cost-effective
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
 productive.
For example
Linking Words
, Two decades ago, people used to collect fruits and vegetables from
Add an article
the farm
show examples
farm
Fix the agreement mistake
farms
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 and wash
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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, peel
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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, cut
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 and
then
Linking Words
 process
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 to make a pickle. But these long processes are made quicker with the help of automatic
machines
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, appointing
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
supervision and work
consumed
Verb problem
costs
show examples
 a lot of money but with the help of
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
equipments
Add a comma
equipments,
show examples
 it can be reduced by half.
In addition
Linking Words
,
machines
Use synonyms
 can work for long periods without breaks but it is not in the case of humans.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is
time saving
Add a hyphen
time-saving
show examples
 and hygienic because of less contamination by hands. Most communicable diseases are spread by contact with food products during
production
Use synonyms
 in the past.
For example
Linking Words
, if a person is infected with
virus
Add an article
a virus
the virus
show examples
 and he is working
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
manufacturing
Add an article
the manufacturing
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cakes without any
protecting
Replace the word
protective
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 garments
then
Linking Words
 infection can be easily transmitted through the cake to
other person
Change the wording
another person
other people
show examples
 who is eating.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
occupational related
Add a hyphen
occupational-related
show examples
 injuries can be prevented by using advanced technologies. Handling sharp
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as needles for stitching can cause open wounds but with
help
Correct article usage
the help
show examples
 of stitching
machines
Use synonyms
 injuries can be prevented. In conclusion, using advanced technologies and
machines
Use synonyms
 for producing goods and raw materials offers significant benefits
such
Linking Words
 as cost-saving and increased productivity when compared to home manufacturing. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 shifting from hand
production
Use synonyms
 to machine is advantageous.

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task achievement
Try to make your introduction a bit more engaging by providing a brief background on the topic before stating your opinion. This can help set a clearer context for your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs are clearly defined. Each paragraph should ideally present one main idea with supporting sentences that relate directly to that idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of vocabulary and grammatical structures to express your ideas. For example, instead of repeating 'machines,' you could use synonyms such as 'automated systems' or 'mechanized tools.'
task achievement
You provided a clear opinion in your introduction and well-structured arguments in the body, which is commendable.
task achievement
You included relevant examples that illustrate your points, such as the comparison of manual versus machine processing in food production, which strengthens your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • automation
  • domestic help
  • smart home technologies
  • energy-efficient
  • resource depletion
  • over-dependence
  • external services
  • maintenance
  • replacements
  • leisure activities
  • tedious tasks
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