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Band 7.5

In the past, museums stored information about culture and history. However nowadays, this information can be found through internet, therefore is no need for museum. What do you extent agree/disagree?

#museums #information #culture #history #internet #museum
Previously,
museums
 provided several things about culture and history.
However
, these days, information about
museums
 should be easily found online,
as a result
, some people believe that
museums
 are no longer needed. I Firmly disagree, because there are benefits to entering a
museum
 directly and could be a medium for a student's learning process. There are advantages that visitors could find by entering a
museum
 directly. Coming to a
museum
, visitors could look at and hear original recordings of some previous culture and history at specific timelines.
As a result
, visitors will have experiences to connect directly and have deep imaginations of certain moments.
Whereas
, websites that provide historical content have limited sources and sometimes add untrue stories. So, it would be better for internet users to come physically in order to get
such
 activities as mentioned earlier. Not only that, the
museum
 is a great medium of study, especially for children.
This
 is down to children are love to explore new things. When pupils come to a
museum
, which is their first experience, their curiosity will increase,
As a result
, these pupils are encouraged to learn more and more, so they can understand histories and cultures deeply.
Conversely
, students who are facilitated with online engines or websites tend to be ignorant of history because
this
 method is boring. If
such
 a circumstance happens continuously, it will lead to a drawback
such
 as a failure in the exam. In conclusion, I believe
museums
 are still needed, since
museums
 offer some benefits if people come directly and might be a good learning medium for children.
Submitted by Keterolac on

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Task Achievement
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Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay shows good organization with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, for enhanced coherence and cohesion, work on linking ideas more smoothly between and within paragraphs. Use a variety of connecting words, and ensure the progression of ideas is seamless for the reader.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • tangible
  • immersive
  • heritage
  • repositories
  • authenticity
  • artifacts
  • curated
  • dynamic
  • dialogue
  • critical thinking
  • diverse perspectives
  • exclusivity
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