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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that teachers should be responsiblefor teaching students to judge what is right and wrong so that they can behave well. Others say that teachers should only teach students academic subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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There is no denying the fact that education is a significant factor in our lives.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that
teachers
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 must educate
children
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 on what is right and wrong so that they can be good people in society, there is
also
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 an argument that some individuals think that
teachers
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 should be focused only on teaching academic subjects.
This
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 essay will analyse
this
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 topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On the one hand, some individuals think that
teachers
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 should be teaching
kids
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 to judge what is right and wrong because they are learning how to deal with
children
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.
In other words
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,
teachers
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 spend a lot of time with them, which allows them to teach
kids
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 moral values.
In addition
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, some parents ask
foradvice
Correct your spelling
for advice
 for raising
children
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 from
teachers
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 because they are specialists in their fields.
For example
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, a study conducted in Saudi Arabia shows that 65% of parents ask advice from
teachers
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 about how to deal with their
kids
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.
On the other hand
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, some people consider that
teachers
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 should only focus on teaching educational programs because teaching
children
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 moral values is the parent’s responsibility. It is
also
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 possible to say that
children
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 are influenced by their parents if they see their father is honest, they will be like him directly.
For instance
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, a survey conducted in Sudan shows that 98% of
children
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 are affected by their families. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that
teachers
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 and families should collaborate together to teach
kids
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 to be well-behaved.

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task achievement
Try to provide more depth to your arguments. For example, expand on how moral teachings by teachers can influence student behavior in more concrete ways.
task achievement
Ensure that your examples are clearly linked to your main points. Make it explicit how the examples support your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to help with the flow of your ideas. This will make your arguments easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Consider adding a transitional phrase at the start of paragraphs to signal shifts in your argument or topic.
structure
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion. The paragraphs each focus on a distinct viewpoint, which aids clarity.
content
Relevant examples used to support your points show an understanding of the topic.
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