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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Due to population growth many people these days live in apartments with limited space and no outdoor areas. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh Its disadvantages?

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One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is that the increasing number of
people
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 in
apartments
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 do not have space . It is undeniable that outdoor areas have become an essential part of
apartments
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.
However
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, there is no absolute agreement that some
people
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 find not having outdoors is beneficial,
while
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 others consider that it is unnecessary and uncomfortable for
people
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. Surely, there are both pros and cons to
this
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, but I believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. One of the main positives of living in
apartments
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 is that it will be quiet. Humans face the issue that their neighbours start to make noise and it disturbs
people
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 when they are relaxing at home.
For instance
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, when they are turning your cars in the morning, it sounds loud. It annoys
people
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due to
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 it ceases their sleep.
Also
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, teenagers laugh and talk loudly which disturbs the peace. Another advantage is that some
people
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 cannot live in
apartments
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due to
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 the population rise and rooms are not enough for everybody. The government built new
apartments
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instead
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 of outdoors so that
people
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 do not live on the street. Turning to the other side of the argument that children do not obtain opportunities for physical activities.
For example
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, it does not have space for playgrounds where youngsters do not play on the street. It is harmful to health
due to
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 they have more energy which must be wasted to be useful at
this
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 age. If children's abilities do not enhance it will be dangerous in the future. Another major disadvantage is that neighbours cannot maintain communication, because they do not have a place for it and
also
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 it is uncomfortable. It leads to an impact on their relationship. In conclusion, I believe that the benefits of limiting the outdoors,
such
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 as the streets quiet and new
apartments
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 are beneficial for
people
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's lives

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task achievement
Try to enhance your main points with clearer connections to your thesis statement.
task achievement
Make sure to expand on your examples to provide more depth and clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your paragraphs more distinctly and use linking words effectively to improve flow.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion on the topic and attempts to address both sides of the argument.
task achievement
You touch on relevant issues surrounding living in apartments, such as noise and space limitations.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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