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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

There is an increasing trend of old people living longer in many countries around the world. Do you think this has a positive or a negative effect on the population as a whole?

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The distribution of population is a challenging topic to evaluate all aspects across different societies .
This
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 text mentioned there is an increasing rate of lifelong which means many countries have older
ages
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 . The elderly population is a strong hope for the middle
ages
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 and youth group that they have a long life forwardly ,if the elderly individual is active ,and healthy and plays an effective role in society ,so , all parts of the community put more effort into their life .Building and keeping healthy elderly groups needs more attention to their specific needs and expectations ,
for example
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 , the government must consider specific job places for
this
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 group and which types of jobs are convenient and managed through them . The health issue is another topic which must develop specific disorders and prevent these illnesses to keep them healthy and prosperous . It has been well understood when one country has more older
ages
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 ,so , it is a source of memories and experiences about changes during time ,
in addition
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 ,they have precious skills and fair wisdom to recognize some obstacles easily toward their heavy knowledge. In sum , I strongly believe having more old
ages
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 and learning from them is a specific opportunity for each country which must be secure ,
however
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, there are some considerations but ,at any age, humans need specific needs and attention.

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task achievement
Clarify your argument by explicitly stating whether you believe the trend has a positive or negative effect on the population in your introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical flow by using more cohesive devices (like 'Firstly', 'Moreover', 'In conclusion') to improve the structure of your paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you could discuss how an aging population impacts healthcare systems or the economy.
task achievement
You have identified both the benefits and challenges of an aging population, which adds depth to your essay.
task achievement
Your discussion of the specific needs of elderly individuals shows an awareness of social considerations, which is commendable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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