IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

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It has been universally acknowledged that the problem of hunger is escalating at an alarming rate in the current scenario.
This
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 problem has been of depressing magnitude.
Although
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 a plethora of reasons are there, yet some sensible solutions are
also
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 available to cure
this
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 grave concern. Commencing with the causes, which are responsible for its growth. The first reason is that distribution. To exemplify, it is true that some nations are receiving an ample amount of
products
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 all around the world
while
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 others are struggling to get sufficient food for their population. To cite an example, Europe or US
countries
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 are getting goods in bulk in their stores
while
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 Africa and other developing nations are not able to receive basic
products
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.
As a consequence
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, the vast majority of masses around the globe still go hungry.
Moreover
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, every nation has to pay a big chunk of money in the form of taxes to receive
products
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 from other
countries
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, and sometimes developing
countries
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 do not have sufficient funds.
Thus
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, individuals are facing hunger problems in
this
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 modern era. In order to solve
this
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 serious issue, some possible measures can be taken.
Initially
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, the government should organize some associations that may assist developing
countries
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 in the worst conditions. Raising awareness towards food is another solution to tackle
this
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 concern. People will consume less food and reduce wastage in their daily lives which will not only decrease hunger problems but
also
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 individuals know the value of
products
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. In conclusion, unquestionably,
this
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 menace has become a burning question of the day.
Therefore
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, it is not an easy task to mitigate
this
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 . Government and individuals should come forward to alleviate
this
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 complex issue.

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task achievement
The essay touches on important points, but some statements could benefit from further development and explanation. Make sure each main point is thoroughly explored with a clear connection to your argument.
coherence and cohesion
The use of linking words can help improve the flow of your essay. Phrases such as 'for instance', 'furthermore', or 'in addition' could provide more coherence between your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are a bit repetitive or wordy. Consider revising them for clarity and conciseness to improve understanding and maintain the reader's interest.
task achievement
The introduction effectively sets the stage for your discussion on hunger and its solutions, establishing the seriousness of the issue.
task achievement
The use of examples, particularly in discussing food distribution issues, helps to illustrate key points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
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