IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that schools should invest money in the best equipment for their students. Others says that it is better to invest money in hiring good teachers. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

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These days , some individuals believe that should spend more money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the best equipment for their
students
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, others think that it is better to give money
in
Change preposition
to
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employement
Correct your spelling
employment
 good
teachers
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I am going to discuss both points and give my own opinion.
In
Change preposition
On
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 the one hand, when the government provide all
services
Correct article usage
the services
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 for
students
Use synonyms
, they will
fell
Correct your spelling
feel
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 comfortable, because they need to education, but with
improvement
Replace the word
improved
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 services that they
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
.
For example
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, chairs, tables, books, cafeterias, and libraries,
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will help them
to
Verb problem
apply
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study in
Correct article usage
a quite
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quite
Correct your spelling
quiet
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 place.
Also
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, they need
to
Change preposition
apply
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tables and chairs to sit on and
fell
Correct your spelling
feel
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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comfortable, and
they
Correct word choice
if they
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 want to eat, they go to
cafeteria
Add an article
the cafeteria
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 to buy food.
As well as
Linking Words
, with all these needs,
students
Use synonyms
 will
fell
Correct your spelling
feel
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 glad, when they go to school, and their level of
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
 will increase.
On the other hand
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,
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 side
perefer
Correct your spelling
prefers
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
hiring good
teachers
Use synonyms
, maybe
thet
Correct your spelling
they
 will
Add a missing verb
be usefull
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usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
them
Change preposition
to them
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 in the future.
For instance
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,
students
Use synonyms
 need
for
Change preposition
apply
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teachers
Use synonyms
 more than
equiments
Correct your spelling
equipment
, because they want to learn, and they need to read and write.
Moreover
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, the
teachers
Use synonyms
 have value,
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due to
Change preposition
because
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 they can teach
students
Use synonyms
 all things, and help them achieve their
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
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,
such
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 as if they
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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dream
to become
Change preposition
of becoming
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 a doctor, the
teachers
Use synonyms
 support them to get on their
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
show examples
 by learning. In conclusion, in my opinion, the
goveronment
Correct your spelling
government
 should care
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 hiring
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teachers
Use synonyms
 and give them a high salary, because they
teird
Wrong verb form
are trying
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 to help student improve their level
in
Change preposition
of
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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education.
In addition
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, they should provide all things that the
students
Use synonyms
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
.

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task achievement
Clarify your thesis statement in the introduction to explicitly state your opinion. It's important to present your stance clearly in the beginning.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader better.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to punctuation and sentence structure to improve readability. Breaking up long sentences can help.
task achievement
Correct spelling and grammar errors such as 'fell' to 'feel,' 'employment' to 'employing,' and 'goveronment' to 'government.'
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and details to support your points more robustly.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, which is important for a balanced discussion.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear conclusion that summarizes your opinion, which helps to finish your essay effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • state-of-the-art technology
  • learning experiences
  • technologically driven future
  • educational infrastructure
  • physical and digital resources
  • high-quality education
  • experienced teachers
  • tailor learning approaches
  • personalized feedback
  • superior teaching staff
  • academic performance
  • optimal learning environment
What to do next:
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