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Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting the usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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In an era where
health
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 concerns proliferate, many are diverging from traditional medical consultations, gravitating
instead
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 towards
alternative
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 medicines and treatments.
This
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 shift, though contentious, heralds a positive development, driven by enhanced personal agency in
health
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 decisions and the holistic benefits these alternatives offer. Central to
this
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 discussion is the empowerment of individuals in managing their
health
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 effectively and autonomously. Traditional healthcare often adopts a prescriptive, one-size-fits-all
approach
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, marginally serving those with nuanced needs or conditions resistant to conventional treatments. In stark contrast,
alternative
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 medicines empower individuals by providing a plethora of options outside the mainstream norm, from herbal remedies to acupuncture, allowing for personalized treatment plans that deeply align with personal beliefs and bodily responses.
For instance
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, a study revealed that patients with chronic pain found solace and significant relief in acupuncture where traditional analgesics failed, showcasing the tangible benefits and underscoring the critical need for diverse medical paradigms that respect patient preferences and physiological uniqueness.
Moreover
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, the holistic nature of many
alternative
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 treatments meticulously addresses not just the symptoms but the root cause of ailments, often incorporating mental and emotional wellness alongside physical
health
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, fostering a comprehensive
health
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 perspective.
This
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 comprehensive
approach
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 encourages a balanced lifestyle, significantly reducing reliance on pharmaceuticals prone to side effects and promoting long-term well-being. Yoga and meditation,
for example
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, have been scientifically validated to reduce stress and anxiety, illustrating how these practices not only complement physical
health
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 with mental fortitude but
also
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 contribute to emotional stability, thereby nurturing a well-rounded, integrative
approach
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 to
health
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 that champions the totality of human wellness. In conclusion, the embrace of
alternative
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 medicines marks a positive shift in healthcare, focusing on patient autonomy and holistic well-being. It diversifies
health
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 management tools and aligns with the comprehensive nature of
health
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, reflecting an advanced healthcare
approach
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.

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples or evidence to support your claims. This could strengthen your arguments further and provide clearer insights into the effectiveness of alternative treatments.
coherence cohesion
While the essay flows well, ensure that each paragraph clearly transitions to the next. This can enhance the overall coherence of the piece, making it even easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
task achievement
The introduction sets a clear stance on the topic, and the thesis is well defined. It outlines the main arguments effectively, guiding the reader on what to expect.
coherence cohesion
Your use of language is quite sophisticated, showcasing a wide range of vocabulary and varied sentence structures, which contribute to the overall quality of the writing.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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