IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some peoplew believe that the best way to reduce crime is to apply stronger punishments. Other think that it would be harmful and there are much more efficient ways to do that. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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In the modern world, Criminal issues
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 growing up. that's why
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 population is being massive. some
punisments
Correct your spelling
punishments
punishment
ae
Correct your spelling
are
show examples
 not enough
pepole
Correct your spelling
people
 to step back. In my opinion, these two ways have
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 side because
Add the comma(s)
, on
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
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 the one way, some laws do not reduce
crime
Use synonyms
 because it is not disincentive, on the other way is that
life
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 is not in balance for living. In fact, we have to make hard
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 about some
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 of them. Punishment has to stop
people
Use synonyms
 because
kiling
Correct your spelling
killing
 a
life
Use synonyms
 must not be easy. Humanity knows when they
do
Verb problem
commit
show examples
this
Linking Words
crime
Use synonyms
, they will go to
pirson
Correct your spelling
prison
person
just
Change preposition
in just
show examples
 2 or 4 years. If we give them to spend more time in the
pirson
Correct your spelling
person
prison
 they will accept their fault easily and
this
Linking Words
 decision hold them away from
crime
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 and humanity
lives
Wrong verb form
will live
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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peace
In
Change preposition
On
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 the other point,
Crime
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 is growing
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
because
Add the preposition
because of
show examples
 poor education, expensive
life
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 and
espacialy
Correct your spelling
especially
, social media or
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
. Let's explain that, poor education takes down
vision
Correct article usage
the vision
show examples
 of
people
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, it teaches
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
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 to solve
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 with severity or shouting.
Expensive
Correct article usage
An expensive
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 brings poor
people
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and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
poor
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 because of that
people
Use synonyms
 try to
reach to
Verb problem
earn
show examples
 money easily and quickly. Social media, when
people
Use synonyms
 watch other
people
Use synonyms
 in
the
Change the word
their
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luxry
Correct your spelling
luxury
life
Use synonyms
, they want to climb there without hard work. In Conclusion,
Linking Words
This
Correct determiner usage
These
show examples
 two
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 always will be with us if we do not solve that
standart
Correct your spelling
standard
life
Use synonyms
 problem. In my opinion, we are supposed to
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 and after
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 if we
would
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not
geat
Correct your spelling
get
show examples
 positive
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 from criminal incidents, we will have to accept severe punishment.

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coherence and cohesion
The introduction could be clearer. Consider explicitly stating the two viewpoints you'll discuss and your own opinion to guide the reader better.
task achievement
Some sentences contain grammatical errors. Ensure subject-verb agreement and correct word forms. For example, 'issues is growing up' should be 'issues are growing' and 'punisments ae not enough pepole to step back' needs revision for clarity.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, when mentioning social media, you could reference specific studies or statistics that demonstrate its impact on crime rates.
task achievement
You have included a discussion of both views, which is important in a discussion essay.
task achievement
Your concern for societal issues, like poverty and education, shows a deeper understanding of the factors contributing to crime.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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