IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject.To what extent do you agree or disagUniversities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject.To what extent do you agree or disagree?ree?

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It is recommended that colleges must
accepts
Change the verb form
accept
show examples
 an equivalent number of students of
both
Use synonyms
 genders. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea, provided that
both
Use synonyms
males
Use synonyms
 and
females
Use synonyms
 are now seeking education and are keen to advance in each field as
both
Use synonyms
 can be the head of the family independently
hence
Linking Words
 providing
an equal
Correct the article-noun agreement
equal chances
an equal chance
show examples
chances
Use synonyms
 for
both
Use synonyms
gender
Change to a plural noun
genders
show examples
 is a must in order to provide them
an
Add the preposition
with an
show examples
 equal
oppurtunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
. In the past, universities were obliged to
accepts
Change the verb
accept
show examples
 more male students in every
subjects
Change to a singular noun
subject
show examples
 as compared to
females
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 stems from that
males
Use synonyms
 were the head of the families back
then
Linking Words
 and had to have more
chances
Use synonyms
 to advance academically to
able
Add a missing verb
be able
show examples
 to cover the financial needs. Nowadays, more
females
Use synonyms
 are responsible for their families and providing
an equal
Correct the article-noun agreement
equal chances
an equal chance
show examples
chances
Use synonyms
 for
both
Use synonyms
 genders will
reflect
Wrong verb form
be reflected
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future job
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
show examples
.
Hence
Linking Words
, starting from the college’s subject classes is essential to enhance the
chances
Use synonyms
 of
both
Use synonyms
 and support equity.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, accepting more
males
Use synonyms
 or
females
Use synonyms
 will be discouraging to the other gender and might lead to disruption of a family’s stability and career advancement later on. A recent study showed that
both
Use synonyms
 genders are essential to a nation’s growth and community’s economic stability and
this
Linking Words
 will only be reached if equity were started at an earlier level
such
Linking Words
 as the college’s subject classrooms. In conclusion, providing
an equal
Correct the article-noun agreement
equal chances
an equal chance
show examples
chances
Use synonyms
 for
both
Use synonyms
males
Use synonyms
 and
females
Use synonyms
 should be the university’s top priority, in order to support each
gender
Change noun form
gender's
show examples
 flourishment in every college
subjects
Fix the agreement mistake
subject
show examples
 and life
aspects
Fix the agreement mistake
aspect
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 will be
reflective
Replace the word
reflected
show examples
 on a greater level
such
Linking Words
 as the community growth.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction sets the context well, but consider making your stance clearer and more direct. Phrasing like 'I strongly agree' can be more impactful.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your paragraphs have a clear main idea that links back to your argument. This helps maintain coherence throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, elaborate on how gender parity in universities affects job markets.
Task Achievement
Revise grammatical errors, such as 'must accepts' to 'must accept' and 'oppurtunity' to 'opportunity', as they can distract from your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
You effectively address the topic and maintain a consistent viewpoint throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion reiterates the main argument well and sums up your essays nicely.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender equality
  • gender diversity
  • balanced representation
  • stereotypes
  • societal constraints
  • traditional gender norms
  • equitable workforce
  • gender ratios
  • merit-based admissions
  • feasibility
  • preference disparities
What to do next:
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