IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some old people today struggle with the use of modern technologies such as smartphones and computers. What is the cause of this? What are some possible solutions?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today's technological era, few aged individuals face challenges when using digital devices
such
Linking Words
 as mobile phones and laptops, as they often lack sufficient knowledge about how to
use
Use synonyms
 these gadgets.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 the effects of
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
, they
also
Linking Words
 have physical limitations that make it difficult to operate electronic devices.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explicate the reasons for
this
Linking Words
 situation and
also
Linking Words
 provide the essential steps to address
this
Linking Words
 issue.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the reason why certain senior citizens have difficulties using smartphones and computers as in the earlier education system,
technology
Use synonyms
 was not available and because of that, they did not have enough understanding about the
technology
Use synonyms
.In order to
that
Add a missing verb
do that
show examples
, they prefer to
use
Use synonyms
 traditional and simple methods.
For example
Linking Words
, In countries like
Change the capitalization
India
show examples
india
Change the capitalization
India
show examples
, accounting software like tally is very popular among youngsters still elderly people keep ledgers to maintain accounts,
Moreover
Linking Words
, with growing age, most of the old populations deal with several health issues
such
Linking Words
 as memory loss and poor eyesight.
This
Linking Words
 situation makes it difficult to
use
Use synonyms
 phones, iPads, and computers. To operate devices eyesight should be good because a person has to see a digital screen and blurry vision can lead to trouble in performing tasks.
In addition
Linking Words
, old age people can not memorize the steps of the execution.
For instance
Linking Words
, nowadays, kids
use
Use synonyms
 smartphones easily and carry out various tasks without the help of their parents. Since they are young and they have enough physical abilities.
However
Linking Words
, some crucial measures should be taken to avoid
this
Linking Words
 condition. Support from their children is the most efficient step. Their children should encourage them to
use
Use synonyms
technology
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 Internet. Their children should make them understand the importance of becoming technologically educated,
also
Linking Words
 they can describe the benefits that how life can become easy by using these applications,
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the government should
also
Linking Words
 organize various events to the awareness of
technology
Use synonyms
. The courses should be introduced where aged humans can learn the usage of gadgets in the simplest way.
For example
Linking Words
, recently some universities have training courses where they train with easy methods that are specially designed for seniors. In conclusion, It is evident that it is hard for overage folk to
use
Use synonyms
technology
Use synonyms
 appliances. There are several reasons for
this
Linking Words
 situation but to resolve these obstacles various actions should be taken.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
The essay structure is clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, ensure that each paragraph focuses clearly on one main idea and is structured properly with topic sentences to enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid run-on sentences and ensure correct punctuation, as they can disrupt the flow of your writing. For example, in the sentence about the education system, try to break it into shorter sentences for clarity.
task achievement
You provided examples, but some could be more specific or detailed to fully illustrate your points. Try to add examples that directly support your thesis and main ideas.
task achievement
In the conclusion, you could summarize the main reasons and solutions more distinctly to reinforce your argument and provide a stronger closing statement.
task achievement
The essay addresses both causes and solutions effectively, showing a good understanding of the task requirements.
task achievement
Your examples, like the use of ledgers and tally software, illustrate the points well and provide a practical context.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • technological advancement
  • older generations
  • formal education
  • user-friendly interfaces
  • community-based training programs
  • intergenerational learning
  • social isolation
  • subsidies
  • exposure
  • confidence
  • modern technology
  • hands-on experience
  • non-profit organizations
What to do next:
Look at other essays: