Nowadays, technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, some people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#technology #people #cell #phone #security #cameras #cases #development

Nowadays, it is readily apparent that

technology

plays a vital role in human life and society.

This

development has been used to monitor the activity that

people

do in a day through many devices. In my opinion,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

technology

gives various positive consequences rather than drawbacks, which will be discussed in the following paragraphs. When

people

are not aware of them being tracked or monitored, it is certainly the cause of many negative consequences.

However

, education is the key to solving the problem.

By educating

Change preposition

Educating

show examples

individuals about tracking and monitoring, helps promote awareness and empower individuals to protect their privacy. It is important for

people

to learn and be more careful in what they act or speak both in private and public.

On the other hand

, it is obvious that there are numerous advantages for the monitor

technology

. For security purposes, these tools not only help police officers in the investigation in the track of criminals, but they

also

deter the rate of crime that could happen.

This

can ensure the safety of

people

in society.

Additionally

, tracking

technology

that provides the location of individuals through cell phones

help

Correct subject-verb agreement

helps

show examples

the healthcare service reach out to

people

more easily, when they accidentally face a health-related problem.

To sum up

technology

is increasingly benefiting humans and society. It can improve the standard of living to be safer and peaceful.

While

I believe the advantages of

this

advancement outweigh the disadvantages,

people

should be careful and mindful of using it, as it has the potential to impact their lives.

Submitted by nnatthinee on Thu May 09 2024

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Make sure to provide more detailed examples to strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.

task response

Try to develop your paragraphs further with more detailed arguments and evidence.

coherence cohesion

Work on making your transitions between paragraphs smoother for better cohesion.

coherence cohesion

Consider revising your introduction and conclusion to make them more impactful and to better bookend your essay.

task response

You've taken a clear stance and developed your essay around that perspective, demonstrating a good understanding of the task requirement.

coherence cohesion

Your essay structure is logical and easy to follow, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

coherence cohesion

You’ve effectively used a mixture of complex and simple sentences, contributing positively to the readability of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

256 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

1. Surveillance
2. Monitoring
3. Cell phone tracking
4. Security cameras
5. Public safety
6. Law enforcement
7. Privacy concerns
8. Personal freedom
9. Autonomous
10. Breach of trust
11. Misuse of information
12. Institutional integrity
13. Psychological impact
14. Mental well-being
15. Societal trust
16. Paranoia
17. Transparency
18. Stringent regulations
19. Criminal deterrence
20. Apprehension of criminals

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