IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

artists need a certain amount of freedom to develop their creativity, Som people think that artist should have total freedom to express any thoughts and ideas. to what extend you agree or disagree

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These days,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
artists
Use synonyms
 have
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 freedom to improve their
skills
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, some individuals believe that the artist should have
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 freedom to
show
Use synonyms
 their ideas and emotions. I completely agree with
this
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 point , so in
this
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 essay, I am going to discuss both sides and give an example.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the one hand, the
artists
Use synonyms
 have
desire
Correct article usage
a desire
show examples
 to develop their creativity,
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
 that will help them to improve in the future,
such
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 as they will get more money and they will have audiences.
Also
Linking Words
, when they improve their
skills
Use synonyms
, they will
show
Use synonyms
 a nice
illustrate
Replace the word
illustration
show examples
.
For example
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, the
artists
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 who improve their songs , and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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train a long
peroid
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period
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will achieve their goals
and
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apply
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they will have got
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fans, and
also
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 they will become a
famouse
Correct your spelling
famous
around the world.
As well
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as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, they have knowledge of improving their level,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
 have
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
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 to
choice
Replace the word
choose
show examples
 the
time
Use synonyms
 and the place to start.
For instance
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, the
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 who have
a
Correct article usage
the
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skill
Use synonyms
 of drawing,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can improve their
skills
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 any
time
Use synonyms
 they want,
Correct word choice
while other
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 prefer to start in the evening, when
people
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 sleep and with
Correct article usage
a quite
show examples
Change the article
quite a
show examples
quite
Correct your spelling
quiet
show examples
 place, maybe it will help them to
focuse
Correct your spelling
focus
. So, they have a
freedome
Correct your spelling
freedom
 to develop their creativity anywhere and
any
Change preposition
at any
show examples
time
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, they should have
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
freedome
Correct your spelling
freedom
 to express their thoughts and ideas, because if they can't
speek
Correct your spelling
speak
 with others, they can draw as express, that it will support them to
show
Use synonyms
 their emotion. An example, if
they
Add a verb
they are
they were
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 sad, they can use
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
Use synonyms
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 to
show
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 their feeling, as drawing and
song
Replace the word
singing
show examples
.
Moreover
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, some
people
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 who have a new
skill
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 of
sing
Replace the word
singing
show examples
 or draw, they feel comfortable,
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
 they can improve their
Use synonyms
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 and they have a way to give others knowledge of caring
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
skills
Use synonyms
.
In addition
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, nowadays each
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artists
Change to a singular noun
artist
show examples
focuse
Correct your spelling
focus
focused
focuses
to improve
Change preposition
on improving
show examples
 their own
Use synonyms
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 of
artist
Add an article
the artist
an artist
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, they take a long
time
Use synonyms
 to develop, they care
of
Change preposition
about
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 it like close
people
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, because it helps them to illustrate their emotions and their ideas will expand. So, that's
an
Correct article usage
apply
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important
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people
Change preposition
for people
show examples
 have express
of
Change preposition
apply
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their thoughts and feelings. In
conclsion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, I strongly believe both views have beneficial for the
artists
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they have a
plane
Correct your spelling
plan
show examples
 to improve their
skills
Use synonyms
 and achieve their dreams.

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task achievement
Try to provide a clearer argument with a more defined position on the topic in the introduction. State whether you agree or disagree explicitly and develop your ideas consistently throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the linking phrases between sentences and paragraphs to enhance the flow of the essay. This will help improve coherence and make your points clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Be mindful of spelling and grammatical errors, as they can distract from your ideas. Proofreading your essay could help identify and correct these mistakes.
task achievement
You have included personal beliefs and intentions for the essay, which is a good practice to engage the reader.
task achievement
You provide examples of how artists can express their creativity and emotions, which adds depth to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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