IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people believe that safe investments are better for their long-term future while others feel there is more value in risky investments. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

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It is a contentious issue whether the pros of risky investments outweigh the cons. Some believe that long-term investments are more beneficial,
while
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 others disagree. In
this
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 essay, I will elaborate on both points of view and explain why I am a fan of the safer option.
To begin
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 with, risky opportunities require one to be very watchful. Variables
such
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 as investments;
for example
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, stock prices are changing rapidly and it is important to take action at the proper moment. If investors do not have enough time, they will not be able to follow up with the market.
Therefore
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,
this
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 is not a favourable business idea for busy individuals.
Furthermore
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, the amount of risk it takes results in many significant losses among inexperienced investors. Youngsters are the biggest victims of
this
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.
For instance
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, they are not yet familiar with the value of
money
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.
As a consequence
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, they often bet all their
money
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. After all, they lose them or even they may end up in debt at a very young age.
On the other hand
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, no matter if you are very occupied, in the long-term
future
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 you will most likely benefit from being patient. Because the Average Stock Market Return equals 10% per year, statistics give hope for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 stable and gradual rate of return.
Consequently
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, the longer you do not touch your
money
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 the better. In
this
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 case, not having time is an advantage, rather than a burden. It helps to avoid emotional decisions.
Moreover
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, if you start early, you will build a good safety cushion for the
future
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.
To conclude
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, some people argue what is the best way to invest. I concur that it is better to spend
money
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 on a long-term
future
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 because it gives an opportunity to fully engage in other responsibilities and on average stocks increase year by year.
Furthermore
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, it is better for youngsters who have not obtained sufficient knowledge yet and may make lots of mistakes that may negatively influence their
future
Use synonyms
.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to better indicate the main idea and guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Expand on your examples to provide deeper insights and support your points more comprehensively. For example, additional statistics or studies on investment risks could strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument, which is essential for addressing the prompt effectively.
coherence and cohesion
The writing flows well between paragraphs, and your use of linking words helps maintain coherence throughout the essay.
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