IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicine and treatment instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a Positive or a negative development?

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In recent days,
people
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 have preferences to take
alternative
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medicine
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 for their health problems rather than conventional
medicine
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. In
this
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 essay, I will explain my opinion about
this
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 issue. I firmly believe that
alternative
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drugs
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 have many negative developments because, as a human, visiting the
doctor
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 to control health level is important.
Firstly
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, the biggest constraint of
alternative
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medicine
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 is the need to visit a
doctor
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. Not all medicines, even natural or
alternative
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, can'
t
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 automatically reduce the sickness. The
drugs
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 came from the
doctor
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's receipt, not the automatic recipe.
Due to
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 the recipe, the
doctor
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's needs are still high to ensure the right portion for the patient. Several cases have already happened because
people
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 directly consumed the
medicine
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 without any
doctor
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 consultation.
In addition
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, medicines are built from natural chemicals, but sometimes, some companies that are the brand creators of the
drugs
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 don'
t
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 show the information about the
drugs
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.
Although
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 an obligation states that the companies who produce the medicines should give the real information, the rule isn'
t
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 followed.
Therefore
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, so many cases resulted from
this
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 phenomenon. Issues in Jakarta are caused by fake
medicine
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.
Furthermore
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, the needs of doctors will go down.
People
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 will believe in medication as an opportunity. It will lead to joblessness in the medical profession,
whereas
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 the accuracy of an
alternative
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 method to cure the sickness is still questioned.
Moreover
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, it
also
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 makes the medical school and training turned down.
People
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 will choose chemistry as their main subject rather than doctors if they want to take part in
medicine
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, but the human ability to analyse the health level is still important.
Alternative
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medicine
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 wouldn'
t
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 be suitable for children aged 5 to 7 years old age because, at that time, humans are in a growing phase and must be equipped with natural
medicine
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. In conclusion,
alternative
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medicine
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 would create so many negative aspects for the quality of
drugs
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 and humans. We should consider these technologies to take them down and focus on natural
medicine
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.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction could be clearer by explicitly stating your stance and summarizing the key points you will discuss. Strengthening this section will set a clearer direction for your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs have a clear topic sentence and that each sentence logically follows the previous one. This will enhance the overall clarity and flow of your argument.
Task Achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your claims, particularly in relation to the negative effects of alternative medicine. This could involve citing statistics or studies that illustrate your points effectively.
Task Achievement
You demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic and present a firm opinion, which is a great starting point for your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay covers both the risks of alternative medicine and its implications for healthcare professionals, showing an attempt to consider multiple perspectives.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic approach
  • conventional healthcare
  • pharmaceuticals
  • evidence-based medicine
  • symptoms
  • lifestyle
  • well-being
  • diversification
  • exploitation
  • unqualified practitioners
  • integrate
  • comprehensive healthcare system
  • skepticism
  • personalized care
  • serious illnesses
  • tailored to
  • preferences
  • beliefs
  • miracle cures
  • scientific backing
What to do next:
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