IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, many people spend less and less time with family. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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The importance of the utilization of
time
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 with family, which was always debatable, has now become more controversial, with many
people
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 claiming that the quality
time
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 that
was
Wrong verb form
is
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 spent with the family has noticeably decreased these days. In my opinion, the abovementioned notion is totally acceptable because of significant reasons that are associated with
this
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 decline. After analyzing the statement and moving
further
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, the first and foremost reason , why
time
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 consumption with family is incredibly less is that technological advancements are progressing at an
unprecendented
Correct your spelling
unprecedented
 pace transforming various aspects of daily life
such
Linking Words
 as the introduction of numerous social apps in the mobile phones, which makes
people
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 habituated to scroll them continuously and left with no
time
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 to spend with family or friends. Another striking reason in
this
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 regard is that in
this
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 cut-throat era, the price of every single item touches the seven skies, to gain the bread and butter for the family, most individuals strive to
work
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 overtime and even go to
work
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 on weekends, which ultimately replaces family
time
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.
Furthermore
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, proving ahead one of the main underlying reasons stems from the fact that
in
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apply
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these days, a large number of
people
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 chase
the
Correct article usage
apply
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goals,
for instance
Linking Words
, to attain
work
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 opportunities, individuals, especially youngsters, migrate to another country alone. The overloaded responsibilities, and management of finances
by
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on
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own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
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, tend to keep them busy in
such
Linking Words
 chores,
consequently
Linking Words
, they grasp these onusesses to the extent that they become unable to share
time
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 or feelings with their loved ones. Apart from the mentioned above, more commuting
time
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 to their workplaces or to study institutions,
remarkably
Add a missing verb
is remarkably
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 accompanied
with
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by
show examples
 the problem of scarcity of
family-
Correct your spelling
family time
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time
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.
To conclude
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, after analyzing the aforementioned arguments, one can reach the conclusion that
although
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work
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, study, or surfing social-media, is crucial in
this
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 contemporary era.
Nevertheless
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, an equal allocation of
time
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 with family is
also
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 utmost inducible.
Therefore
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,
people
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 should try to spend the highest proportion of their with the nearest and dearest ones to stay away from anxiety, depression and loneliness.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your main points. This will help in making your arguments more persuasive and relatable.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your transitions between paragraphs are smoother. Using linking phrases can enhance the logical progression of your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Review your main ideas for clarity. While the overall message is clear, some sentences can be simplified to improve understanding.
task achievement
You presented a clear stance on the topic and supported it with relevant points.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets up your argument and outlines the key reasons for the decline in family time.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • streaming movies
  • browsing social media
  • playing video games
  • digital entertainment
  • active pursuits
  • resurgence of interest
  • fitness trends
  • outdoor adventures
  • group sports
  • perception of time
  • connectivity requirements
  • passive activities
What to do next:
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