IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think that school children should play team sports rather than individuals sports. Do you agree or disagree.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued by many that
students
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 ought to be more focused on
team
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sports
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instead
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 of solely
games
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.
Although
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,
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apply
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 there are own benefits of both
games
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,
i
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I
show examples
 think that school children should opt
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games
Change preposition
for games
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according to
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 their
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
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 and capabilities. Commencing with the prominent reason why people prefer
team
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sports
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 rather than
individuals
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individual
show examples
games
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 because of
team
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 skill. It is well
known
Correct your spelling
well-known
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 fact that no one can reach the zenith of success unless they know the importance of
Use synonyms
team
Correct article usage
a team
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.
For example
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, if people have
the
Correct article usage
apply
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team
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skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
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; companies easily
hired
Wrong verb form
hire
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 them regardless of their qualifications. By taking
this
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 in mind, people think that if
students
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 will select
team
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sports
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, they will become a renowned person in
this
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 world. Despite
of
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apply
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having merits of
team
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sports
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,
i
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I
show examples
 think that
students
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 should select
sports
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according to
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 their ability and interest. It is well
known
Correct your spelling
well-known
show examples
 fact that neither will stay happy nor reach the peak of success until they select
field
Correct article usage
a field
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according to
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 their interest. It can illustrated that in
Indian
Correct your spelling
India
show examples
, a survey conducted in 2008;
in
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apply
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which they
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apply
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found that 40
percent
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per cent
show examples
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students
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of students
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 faced depression because
their
Change the pronoun
they
show examples
 put
a things
Correct the article-noun agreement
things
a thing
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 forcefully. In conclusion, even though there are benefits of
team
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sports
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 ,
yet
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apply
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I believe that
students
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 can not become
a
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apply
show examples
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
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person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 provided that they select
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
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according to
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 their abilities.

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coherence and cohesion
The essay structure could be improved by ensuring that each paragraph clearly represents a single idea and that the paragraphs flow logically from one to the next.
task achievement
Clarifying your main points and providing more specific examples to support your arguments would strengthen your response.
language use
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to enhance clarity.
task achievement
You present a clear personal opinion throughout the essay which helps to frame your argument effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction outlines the topic well and states your position, which is a good start.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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