Some people say that spending time to develop a successful career is the most important thing. Others say that spending time with friends and family is more important. Discuss both the view and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

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In the modern world, it is undeniable that
individuals
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must decide how to allocate their
time
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between
career
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development and personal
relationships
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. Some people believe that focusing on building a successful
career
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is the most important priority,
while
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others argue that spending
time
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with family and friends is more valuable. In
this
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essay, an attempt will be made to examine both perspectives. Those who support prioritising
career
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development provide some reasons to justify their view. One of the most apparent benefits is that a successful
career
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can provide financial stability and long-term security. To illustrate,
individuals
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who invest
time
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and effort in their professional lives are more likely to achieve higher income and
career
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advancement.
For instance
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, people who dedicate themselves to work may gain promotions, build strong professional reputations, and improve their quality of life.
In addition
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, financial success can enable
individuals
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to support their families and access better opportunities. Those who disagree with the above idea
also
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have some points that should not be overlooked. One major reason is that strong
relationships
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are essential for emotional well-being and long-term happiness. To clarify, spending
time
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with family and friends can provide support, reduce stress, and improve life satisfaction.
For example
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,
individuals
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who maintain close personal connections often experience greater happiness and a sense of belonging. From personal observation, people who focus only on their careers may achieve financial success but feel lonely or unfulfilled without meaningful
relationships
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. To recapitulate, it is evident that focusing on a
career
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can bring financial stability,
while
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maintaining
relationships
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contributes to emotional well-being. Having considered both sides thoroughly, I have personally come to believe that
although
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career
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success is important, spending
time
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with family and friends is more valuable in the long term, and a balanced approach is essential for a fulfilling life.

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task response
For task response, your answer covers both sides and gives your opinion. This is good. To reach a higher score, add more clear and more direct ideas in each body part.
task response
Your examples are relevant, but they are quite general. Try to use one more specific example from work, family, or daily life.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow. Each paragraph has a clear purpose. This is a strong point.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are used well, but a few feel a little formal or repeated. You can use simple links like first, also, however, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Main points are supported, but some support could be deeper. Explain one idea a little more before moving to the next one.
task response
You answered all parts of the question and gave a clear opinion in the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph stays on one main idea, so the essay is easy to read.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • career
  • family
  • friends
  • time
  • work
  • life
  • job
  • money
  • happy
  • sad
  • plan
  • balance
  • choice
  • view
  • opinion
  • reason
  • example
  • learn
  • growth
  • skill
  • success
  • goal
  • support
  • stress
  • health
  • together
  • relax
  • enjoy
  • limit
  • schedule
  • boundary
  • future
  • care
  • value
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