IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think governments should spend money on faster means of public transport. However, others think money should be spent on other priorities (e.g. cost, environments. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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People have various perspectives about authorities' budgets. A group of them think that governments have to spend money on enhancing public transit.
However
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, others believe that other items like cost, the environment, and so forth are more important. In my personal view, when the governments invest in faster public transportation,
then
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this
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 development has a positive effect on not only the economy but
also
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 the environment. On the one hand, if people have access to fast public transport systems, they do not spend too much time going to the workplace and are not tired.
In other words
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 , their productivity boos inasmuch as it creates a chance for workers to have a more work-life balance ;
additionally
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, they prefer to work harder owing to the fact that they have time for doing their household chores.
Consequently
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,
this
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 change encourages workers to work efficiently in the companies;
therefore
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, the economy
that is
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 dependent on the industries will be increased.
On the other hand
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, what is crucial is that if public transit becomes faster, people use it to commute to their workplaces and schools . In fact, it has a positive influence on reducing traffic jams and sitting at stops.
As a result
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,
this
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 way is really eco-friendly because the toxic gases that cause global warming are not emitted in the traffic congestions.
To sum up
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, in my opinion, developing the public transport systems and increasing their speed has a strange influence on employees' efficiency and the economy.
In addition
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, it saves the environment from air pollution.

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task achievement
The introduction clearly presents the topic, but ensure there is a clear thesis statement that outlines your opinion more explicitly. For example, specify how you intend to explore both views before stating your own.
coherence and cohesion
There are a few grammar issues, such as "boos" instead of "boosts" and "then this development has" which could be clearer as "this investment can have." Proofreading your essay for such errors will enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Some points are well-structured, but connecting ideas between sentences and paragraphs more fluidly can improve readability. Using transitional phrases could help guide the reader better.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents both sides of the argument well, which is important for task achievement.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates your opinion, providing a clear closure to the discussion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public transport
  • infrastructure
  • congestion
  • sustainable solutions
  • environmental concerns
  • productivity
  • quality of life
  • economic growth
  • habitat destruction
  • carbon footprint
  • holistic approach
  • urban planning
  • prioritize
  • travel time
  • improve existing systems
  • cycling paths
  • walking paths
  • government funding
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