IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people think that the best way to be healthy is doing exercise to what extent do you agree?

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In recent years, a debate has emerged on whether doing regular physical activity is the best method to keep fit or not. Advocates of
this
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 view claim that regular exertion plays a crucial role in burning extra calories and increasing energy
while
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 I partly agree with
this
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 statement as I strongly believe that other factors
such
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 as a balanced diet and stress management are equally essential for one's wellness. One of the most significant benefits of doing consistent regular exercises is that it allows individuals to control their weight.Nowadays many people gain weight
due to
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 a sedentary lifestyle.
Therefore
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,doing consistent physical activity fosters burning extra calories. A notable example of
this
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 is a brisk walk of about 2 km a day can prevent overweight problems.
This
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 demonstrates that doing consistent exercise for maintaining physical wellness.
Additionally
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, regular exercise helps improve cardiovascular health, stamina, and mood, which can lead to higher energy levels throughout the day.Studies show that people who lack physical activity suffer from fatigue compared to those who do regular exercises

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Task Achievement
Your introduction presents your position, but it can be clearer if you rephrase it to better express your stance on the topic. Consider stating, 'While I agree that exercise is vital for health, I believe other factors like diet and stress management also play a significant role.'
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on creating a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs. For example, use transitional phrases such as 'Moreover' or 'In addition' to link your ideas better and enhance the readability of your essay.
Task Achievement
Try to elaborate on your points further. For instance, after mentioning cardiovascular benefits of exercise, you could discuss how these improvements directly affect daily life or health outcomes, providing more depth to your argument.
Task Achievement
Your essay identifies a clear position on the topic and highlights the importance of various factors in maintaining health.
Task Achievement
You have provided relevant examples to support your points, which contribute to the underlying arguments and make your essay more persuasive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • exercise regimen
  • personal goals
  • individual pace
  • convenience
  • motivation
  • peer pressure
  • structured classes
  • social dynamics
  • accountability
  • external motivation
  • self-discipline
  • peer support
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