Advertisement of snacks and toys have a great impact on children and their parents. So, the advertisements to children should be banned. Do you agree or disagree?

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Commercialising children-related products has often exerted a significant influence on

kids

Use synonyms

and their families. Many argue that these are so detrimental to the development of the young fellows that they should be prohibited from introducing to them. Similar to the popular view on

this

Linking Words

phenomenal social matter, I do believe that

such

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type of advertising indeed alters the healthy growing-up of our

kids

Use synonyms

. Here are some reasons supporting

this

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thesis. First and foremost, these entertaining products advertised to our juniors hinder them from actively learning.

This

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is because some of these advertisements divert young learners' attention away from actively acquiring knowledge and skills.

Moreover

Linking Words

, their willingness to learn is overshadowed by the tempting desire to purchase newer, fancier toys in order to show off to their peers.

For instance

Linking Words

, many

kids

Use synonyms

in Australia

got

Wrong verb form

get

show examples

distracted from their learning

due to

Linking Words

the craving for these items.

Therefore

Linking Words

, removing the toy commercials away from the

kids

Use synonyms

can support them to stay on track in learning. those snack advertisements

also

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poses

Change the verb form

pose

show examples

negative impacts on children's health and well-being. Many of these crackers contain unhealthy ingredients that should not be overly consumed, yet the appealing advertising makes them irresistible for most children. A huge number of

kids

Use synonyms

in the USA,

for example

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, were found to be overweight contributed

Change preposition

show examples

the overly intake of fat from these snacks.

Hence

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, it is obvious that

such

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advertising should be kept out of sight

from

Change preposition

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

young children.

Additionally

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, parents have a fundamental role in

this

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, like educating their

kids

Use synonyms

to resist the temptations of unhealthy snacks. In a nutshell, it is undeniable to say that the benefit of banning these advertisements far outweighs the downsides. Parents should

also

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take up an active role in

this

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, to model and guide their offspring away from the traps set by these commercials.

robbieyan666Tue Mar 11 2025

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Task Response

Your introduction presents the topic and your stance well, but it could be clearer and more concise. Consider rephrasing to make your position stronger.

Task Response

Ensure that all your ideas are fully developed. For example, while you presented the negative aspects of advertising on learning and health, there could be more detailed explanations and connections between your points.

Coherence and Cohesion

In your conclusion, enhancing the reiteration of your main arguments would make it more impactful. A concise summary of your key points can strengthen your ending.

Coherence and Cohesion

Work on the logical flow of your paragraphs. Sometimes the transitions between sentences and between paragraphs can be smoother to enhance readability.

Task Response

You provided relevant examples to support your arguments, such as the effects of advertisements on children in Australia and the USA, which enhances your essay's credibility.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in organizing your ideas effectively.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

302 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

advertisement
childhood obesity
dietary choices
consumerism
materialism
pester power
impressionable
critical thinking
commercial intent
naivety
regulations
broadcasters
parental control
educational content
market targeting
unhealthy snacks
overpriced
exploitation
restricting
unnecessary purchases
healthy eating habits

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Advertisement of snacks and toys have a great impact on children and their parents. So, the advertisements to children should be banned. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, many people prefer to seek medical advice on the Internet instead of seeing a qualified doctor. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or a negative development?

Nowadays people buy a lot of unnecessary manufactured products. Is this a positive or negative development? What is the effect of this on the individual and on society?

Nowadays youngsters are less polite and less respectful than in the past. What do you think are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this issue?