IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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These days many
people
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 claim that saving finance is essential for every individual, including young
people
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.
This
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 essay will show that
this
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 approach has a positive impact.
Firstly
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,
money
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 is equal to opportunities.
Secondly
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, investing in
future
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plans
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 ensures confidence.
To begin
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 with, nowadays,
money
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 plays an important role in
people
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's lives, because to achieve
particular
Correct article usage
a particular
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 goal
people
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 must do actions, and every step
cost
Correct subject-verb agreement
costs
show examples
money
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.
For instance
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, visualize that someone wants to be an artist and play the piano, and to achieve
this
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 dream,
people
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 must buy a piano, sign up for special courses and train with professionals which are expensive. In fact, when
people
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 have enough finances, they have a lot of ways and possibilities to make a dream come true. In fact, if young
people
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 save
money
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 from their childhood, they will achieve all their aims faster.
Moreover
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, nothing can replace feelings of confidence and security when
people
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 have enough finances. Indeed, investing in yourself and
future
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plans
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 from adolescence is an absolutely perfect idea, which
save
Change the verb form
saves
show examples
 everyone's time.
For example
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, many parents in Kazakhstan open card accounts for their children and supplement every month their check to save
money
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 for their education and even to buy apartments.
Such
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 a way will always work
,
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apply
show examples
 because it helps to realize
future
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plans
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 faster. In BBC podcasts, interviewers often advise to be financially literate. In conclusion, I am convinced that saving
money
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 is vital for everyone, and it will be better if more and more young
people
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 invest in their
future
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plans
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 which opens a lot of opportunities and ensures confidence.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider expanding your introduction to briefly outline the main points that will be discussed in the essay. This can help set the stage for your argument.
Task Achievement
When introducing examples, ensure they are clearly linked to the main points. This reinforces your argument and enhances clarity. For instance, how the example of parents opening bank accounts directly supports the point about confidence and security.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas. This can help convey your points more precisely and effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Review your sentences for minor grammatical errors and clarity. A few sentences could benefit from smoother transitions or clearer expression.
Task Achievement
You effectively argue that saving money opens up opportunities and provides confidence, covering the topic of the essay well.
Task Achievement
You have relevant examples that illustrate your points, which adds depth to your argument, particularly the example from Kazakhstan.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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