IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries today, there is an attitude that 'anyone can do it' in the arts - music, literature, acting, art, etc. As a result, people with no talent become rich and famous and genuine talents is not valued or appreciated. Do you agree or disagree?

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There is an issue with
people
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's perception of the arts. Several
people
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 will think that anyone can do art, resulting in becoming rich and famous without the need for skills.
This
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 causes
people
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 with the literal talent not to be valued and praised by each other. I disagree with
this
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 statement and will give my views about
this
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 case.
People
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 who want to live as rich and famous should develop their skills.
Firstly
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, they should prepare their mindset about
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
. It becomes their guideline to know how to work in the right place and the right amount of income. Big bosses in huge companies are available because most of them put their mindset on working hard.
Furthermore
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,
people
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 must set targets that suit them. Not everyone has the same condition and situation, so it would be better to know themselves before setting the purpose.
As a result
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, they can adapt to any situation correctly. We can see Jack Ma as an example. He lived in a poor family and was sacked many times.
Due to
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 his toughness, he created an e-commerce company and became number one globally, not only in China.
However
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, globalization has spread easily
due to
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 the increment of technologies. We can see that
people
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 use
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tiktok
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TikTok
 as their method to show their
content
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 and become famous from their
content
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,
whereas
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 creating
content
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 using
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tiktok
Correct your spelling
TikTok
 is not too hard. It makes
people
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content
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 creators and gain some money from their
content
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. We can see of Pasming Based.
Although
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 he graduated from a huge US university, he became popular because he used
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tiktok
Correct your spelling
TikTok
 to share about himself. In conclusion, even though
the
Correct pronoun usage
it the
show examples
 easier to be rich and famous is available from
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tiktok
Change the capitalization
Tiktok
TikTok
show examples
,
people
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 should spend their time putting the mindset that
this
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 factor results from hard work.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position and addresses the topic, but some points could be expanded to provide a more comprehensive argument. For example, you could elaborate on how the proliferation of social media platforms affects people's perception of talent.
coherence and cohesion
Consider improving the logical flow between your ideas by clearly linking them with appropriate transitional phrases. This will enhance the coherence of your argument.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to support your arguments and show a wider range of perspectives. For instance, while you mentioned Jack Ma, including more details about his journey would strengthen your point.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion could be more impactful by summarizing the key points you've made and reiterating your stance more emphatically. This will help reinforce your argument.
task achievement
You have clearly stated your disagreement with the statement and provided a personal perspective on hard work and talent. This clarity is commendable.
task achievement
Your use of examples like Jack Ma and Pasming Based demonstrates an attempt to connect real-world figures to your argument, which is a strong approach.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • democratization
  • diversity
  • hidden talents
  • traditional avenues
  • prevalence
  • misconception
  • instant fame
  • dedication
  • oversaturated market
  • quantity overshadows quality
  • gatekeeping
  • inclusive
  • consumer preferences
  • artistic merit
  • entertainment value
  • marketing
  • public relations
  • public perception
  • true talent
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