IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, instead of locally sourced produce, many supermarkets sell a variety of foods imported from countries all across the world. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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Currently, there is a tendency for modern markets are sell more foods which are brought from abroad, ignoring local suppliers. Despite its advantages,
i
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I
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 personally believe that there are several setbacks to
such
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 a trend
such
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 as the increasing value of some commodities and local producers' welfare. On the one hand, the value of several commodities which are found in the market is incredibly high. It is happening
due to
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 the increasing cost of distribution.
Furthermore
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, imported goods have travelled long distances before touching the market,
not to mention
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 the tax requirements.
For instance
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, coffee bean prices
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are
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 rising significantly because it shipped from across the country.
Thus
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, the shipment process are affecting the total value significantly.
On the other hand
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, local farmers' well-being is
also
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 affected. It is happening as their product can not compete with goods that come from across the country.
Moreover
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, local suppliers tend to avoid some standards that have been constituted by the supermarkets.
In addition
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, the current circumstances are not supporting the local suppliers' products because of poor improvement of their production system.
For example
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, coffee beans produced by rural farmers do not match the acidity criterion that modern markets require.
Hence
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,
such
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 conditions do not bring any fortune for the natives.
To sum up
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, the supermarkets' initiative to distribute imported meals has significantly influenced the price of it.
Besides
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, native manufacturers are not getting any profits as their products do not match the standard of big distributors
such
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 as retail food stores and hypermarkets.

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task achievement
Consider rephrasing the thesis statement for clarity. For instance, replacing 'there are several setbacks to such a trend' with a more specific explanation of these setbacks would improve the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main point you will discuss. This will help guide the reader more effectively through your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Try to incorporate more varied sentence structures to enhance the flow of your writing. For example, using a mix of complex and simple sentences can make your writing more engaging.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points. While you mention coffee beans, providing additional examples from other local products can strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of imported foods, which shows a balanced consideration of the topic.
task achievement
The use of relevant examples, such as coffee beans, demonstrates an understanding of how imports can impact local markets and prices.
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