IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that schools are too competitive and that this has a negative impact on children. Others believe the competitive environment encourages children to achieve. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Nowadays,
competitive
Replace the word
competition
show examples
 - is a part of
schools
Correct article usage
the schools
show examples
 education
sistem
Correct your spelling
system
. Some people
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that
this
Linking Words
 is bad for
children
Use synonyms
 and
make
Verb problem
has
show examples
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
influance
Correct your spelling
influence
 on them.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 others think, that
this
Linking Words
 is great and can make
children
Use synonyms
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
acheive
Correct your spelling
achieve
. From one point of
veiw
Correct your spelling
view
,
competitive
Correct article usage
a competitive
show examples
 environment creates stress and
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 kids
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
grow under
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pressure, which is bad for their physical and
psycological
Correct your spelling
psychological
 health.
For example
Linking Words
,
Chines
Correct your spelling
Chinese
show examples
 students
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 want to go to the local universities
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
need to pass
exam
Add an article
an exam
show examples
 that will take only
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 100 students from
this
Linking Words
 test. There is a 1000s members of
this
Linking Words
 exam each year. But local universities
accepts
Change the verb form
accept
show examples
 only
top
Correct article usage
the top
show examples
 100 students,
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 means
doesnt
Correct your spelling
no
metter
Correct your spelling
matter
 how good you are, if it
will be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 someone better - you will lose. Plus, it kills individualism in kids,
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can have
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
influance
Correct your spelling
influence
 on their
futer
Correct your spelling
future
 decisions
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 life.
However
Linking Words
, despite
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
pressure, stress
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc.
Linking Words
This
Correct pronoun usage
These
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 parts of life that every
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
got
Verb problem
has
show examples
 to go through. And
competitive
Correct article usage
a competitive
show examples
 environment really can make
children
Use synonyms
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
achieve something.
For example
Linking Words
,
John
Use synonyms
 and Max have an
argue
Replace the word
argument
show examples
 before and both of them
knows
Correct subject-verb agreement
know
show examples
 that they have almost the same level of math, but
John
Use synonyms
 will
prepaer
Correct your spelling
prepare
 for
this
Linking Words
 exam better
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 Max just because he got mad
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
him
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. And
this
Linking Words
 feeling of anger and
competitive
Replace the word
competition
show examples
 with Max can give
John
Use synonyms
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 power and motivation to learn, what will become for
John
Use synonyms
 a great
beniffit
Correct your spelling
benefit
 in the
futer
Correct your spelling
future
. In conclusion, my point of
veiw
Correct your spelling
view
 is that
competitive
Correct article usage
a competitive
show examples
 environment actually encourages
children
Use synonyms
 to achieve their goals, because
competitive
Replace the word
competition
show examples
 is a great feeling fuel and can give power and motivation.

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language accuracy
Consider rephrasing some sentences for clarity and grammatical accuracy. For instance, 'belive' should be corrected to 'believe' and 'influance' to 'influence'.
content development
Ensure that your arguments are well-supported with clear examples and follow a logical flow. This will help strengthen your points.
content development
Make sure to elaborate on how individualism is affected by competition and its potential long-term impacts, which would enhance your argument.
content development
You presented both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced perspective.
coherence
Your conclusion summarizes your opinion clearly, which is important for the essay's overall coherence.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • undue stress
  • academic achievement
  • critical thinking
  • interpersonal skills
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • social isolation
  • bullying
  • reduced collaboration
  • motivation
  • achieve their goals
  • resilience
  • perseverance
  • innovation
  • improvement
  • outperform
  • higher standards
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